Come on and join author Melissa Bradley as she sets off on her latest adventure...


If you are not 18, please exit stage left. While there is normally nothing naughty here, I do write and review erotica so there are links to spicy stuff and the occasional heated excerpt.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Potpourri of Cool

Well I hope everyone has had a great start to their week. I spent a very lazy day yesterday and helped a friend with a rather interesting problem. I was also at Jeffrey Beesler's World of the Scribe and poked fun at my writing. You can check out the whole thing here since I didn't post it up like I should have. Bad Melissa! Thank you so much Jeffrey, for having me. I loved it and you rock for always showing the love for your fellow writers.

I saw Kung Fu Panda 2, which I thoroughly enjoyed, but did not laugh out loud as much as I did at the first one. I think my mood was soured by the fact that someone threw their baby's shitty diaper out the car window and nearly hit me. What a disgusting splat right by my new shoes. It was still an awesome flick with excellent animation f/x and a great story chock full of humor.

I also got a chance to see one of my most romantic and favorite movies ever, Heaven Knows, Mr. Allison with Robert Mitchum and Deborah Kerr. I love it when I get a quiet moment to watch a favorite movie that is near and dear to me. It's like wrapping myself in my softest comforter and watching it snow outside, knowing I have absolutely nowhere to be. This is one of the very few movies I tear up at and I feel like big loser for admitting that because I HATE to cry. It exposes my soft, gooey center. I'm a tough chick from Chicago's South Side... No cryers, fools!:P

I should own this film, but I don't. It tops my ever expanding list of must buys. If you ever get a chance to see this gem do so. The chemistry between Mitchum and Kerr is incredible, the dialogue is sharp and highly entertaining. There are also some really tense, scary situations and I get caught up every single time I watch this. Besides, Robert Mitchum is hot as hell with that teddy bear scruff.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Movies I Hate & Wish I'd Never Paid To See Part 3

Here we are at Number Three. I can't believe how many films I've lambasted this week so far. But I love the movies and there is no greater crime than paying to see one that is so bad. That's what cable TV is for. Today's selection, Numero Tres, is a godawful piece of tripe that really ruins the memory of certain historic events.

Pearl Harbor

Or How Michael Bay figured out how to cram as many cliches and tropes as possible into one film and still have billions of explosions. What we have is not one film, but three. There's the Battle of Britain, Pearl Harbor and Doolittle's Raid, none of which received the attention they deserved. Then we have this cliche to the core, chewy gooey love story.

Let me count the conventions here and I encourage you to check the plot summary to make sure I haven't missed something. One, best friends fall for same girl. Two, the friend who wins her gets killed. Three, the girl and surviving friend fall for one another and make beautiful luurve. Four, dead friend comes back right before big attack. Five, girl finds out she's preggers with friend's kid. Six, best buds fight, make up, then go on secret mission where father friend is killed. Seven, Lazarus returns to the woman and they raise the kid together, naming him after dead friend. Eight, and they all lived happily ever after. It's a drinking game, I tell you.

Furthermore, there wasn't an ounce of chemistry to be had among our three main characters to make this bullshit easier to swallow. Their manners and delivery were stiffer than frost covered grass and more awkward than a lumbering walrus. I found myself laughing uproariously during those painful, so-called love scenes. And someone please tell me what the eff was up with Josh and Kate banging in the parachutes? It was like watching shadow puppet theater. I pictured Pinnochio singing "I got no strings to hold me down..."

Man, every time I think about the fact that I paid to see this load of crap, I want to pluck out my eyes with tweezers. I even had margaritas before I saw this and not even good tequila could make this mess look good.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

So Long Kenickie

The iconic film, Grease, was a huge, huge, HUGE part of my childhood and I am more than a little sad to find out that Jeff Conaway, who played T-Bird Kenickie, has died. Sure he fell far from his days as the lovable greaser and became a caricature and stereotype, but for me, he will always be that smart-aleck, leather jacket-wearing T-Bird who got through the hard shell of the wise-cracking Rizzo.

Fave Kenickie Quotes

"A hickie from Kenickie is like a Hallmark card, when you only care enough to send the very best."

"The problem's in your mouth."

"Ladies and Gentlemen! Dingleberries on parade!"

"My 25 cent insurance policy." (His condom from 7th grade)

"You're cruisin' for a bruisin'."

I grew up wanting to be a Pink Lady and used to play the part of Rizzo when my little friends and I would get together. I think my mouth and attitude fit the role quite nicely. I did sometimes take on the role of Frenchie when Deanna wanted to be Riz. And yes I still do know all the words to Beauty School Drop Out and There Are Worse Things I Could Do. However, now I only sing after sufficient alcohol has eliminated my inhibitions and dulled everyone's auditory senses.

Here's me with my friends, not the Pink Lady crew, unfortunately, but it will give you an idea of what I looked like and you can picture me with pink hair. It's a bit blurry, and I apologize, but this is a Polaroid from 1979 and I don't have Photoshop. I'm the one on the right, rockin' the mom jeans. LOL

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Movies I Hate &Wish I'd Never Paid To See Part 2

Since we're talking bad movies today, check out my review for The Rite. It's not pretty, just like this movie here.

Yes, it's time for another addition to my infamous hit list. Today's entry is straight out of WTF land.

The Village

This is one of the worst celluloid crimes ever perpetrated on humanity. A story one thinks up after downing a cocktail of liquid cold medicine and vodka followed by an Alaska-sized bong chaser.

I want to change my name and flee to parts unknown whenever I think about the fact that I actually paid to see this. Man, I just bent right the hell over for this giant screw of a movie.

People who couldn't handle their real lives, set up a utopian village in the middle of a rich guy's estate. Seriously? Then, they erect a wall around their little colonial resort, telling their kids horrible monsters will eat them if they go beyond the boundaries. Are you effing kidding me? And apparently this guy is so rich, he pays the FAA to keep planes from flying over the village so the kids will think it really is 200 years ago. Oh. My. Freaking. GOD!!!

Then we have the scintillating performances of Bryce Dallas Howard, Joaquin Phoenix, Adrien Brody, William Hurt and Sigourney Weaver. Oscar winners and nominees. Apparently all the King's men and all the King's horses could not make M. Night's movie believable.

Talk about stoopid to the Tenth Power and yes, I did spell it with two O's. That's how fucktarded this movie is and how unintelligent I was for paying to see it.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Movies I Hate & Wish I'd Never Paid To See Part 1

Today I'm starting something new. Since it's the High Holiest of Holy summer box office jam and I'm in movie mode, I thought I'd give a bit of a rundown on films that I feel I was screwed over, ripped off, cheated, manipulated, and otherwise swindled when I went to see them. I wanted and still want,my money back from these stinkers. I will probably not be a popular person when you read some of these, but well great minds do not always think alike and differing tastes and opinions are what make this world awesome. So with out further ado, here is the first on my list.

The Notebook

I can hear the gasps and vitriolic defenses gearing up. How dare you hate this movie, Melissa. It's so romantic and beautiful and just the best love story ever. What's WRONG with you? I'll tell you what's wrong.

First of all this is not romance. This is an emotionally manipulative piece of sugar frosting birthday cake disguised as romance. It's so cute, that it defines the word and every single synonym for cute. We have cute actors, a cute small town setting, a cute story and cute dialogue. I'm sorry, but this movie was so saccharine sweet, it put me into a diabetic coma from which I am only now recovering.

There is nothing romantic about a user manual movie that tells you when to cry,when to say "awww," when to sigh, when to sniffle and when to turn and hug your BFF because you're so overcome with cute-itis.

I hated every frame of this film, from the trite,overblown dialogue to the cotton candy sweet performances. I even hated the rain and wanted to set fire to that damned old house.

I know, I know Melissa, you cynical bitch. You just are hatin' for no reason. Why Rachel and Ryan are so amazing. And just look at how Noah and Allie struggled to be together and then they die at the end in that nursing home. It's heartbreaking. How can you trash such epic, passionate love? Very easily.

If you have not seen this movie, count yourself lucky. Otherwise you'll be like me and want to bleach your brain and brush your teeth.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

How A Werewolf Took Over My Brain And Other Random Bits Of Coolness

Yes, you read that title right. ;) I am talking about my werewolf, story, Maxie Briscoe, over at the wicked cool blog of mystery writer Beth Anderson. I'm delving deep into how Maxie came to be. She quite literally took over my brain one day. Come on and join me here.

Secondly, one of the best things happened to me. The awesome Jeffrey Beesler is having an I'm 33 contest and yours truly has won a guest blog spot and critique. I am very, very excited and did a happy dance. I nearly knocked over my computer. ;)

And, AND you should all know that the uber-talented author and friend of The Imaginarium, Jessica Bell is hosting The Homeric Writers Retreat and Workshop in Greece. Man, do I ever wish I was going to be in attendance. It sounds amazing. Go here to find out more.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

No Wonder Woman? WTF?!!!!

I am out for blood, specifically that of David E. Kelley and the execs at NBC. I am beyond pissed that the new Wonder Woman television series has been cancelled before it even had a chance to start. WTF? Excuse me? How can Wonder Woman be over when not one ep has aired? How in the name of all that's holy does one fuck up a ready made money machine with a built-in loyal following? Let me count the ways...

1. David E. Kelley has no concept on how to work with superhero material. After all the pilot was riddled with Girl Power bubblegum songs ala Kelley's previous work Ally McBeal. The script was more goofy comedy than drama and featured the tired catch phrase "You go girl." and Adrianne Palicki in an atrocious costume that looked like something out of a superhero strip show.

2. See above

3. The responses at the screening according to Deadline were mixed, with people saying they didn't "buy into the modernization" and was there really a need for more comic book superhero shows. WTF?! First of all, that modernization response is total bull. It's probably code for "we don't want to see women kicking actual ass, we want them in sexy pillow fights, screaming obscenities or pulling hair like the girls on Jersey Shore." Or worse yet, "we think women should be rescued by the heroic man, it's more in line with family values and expectations." Second, considering the bulk of network television is given over to lame reality shows, yes, there is a need for some original programming that requires actual actors and writers.

4. The marketing. This show was going strictly for comic relief and dramedy like Sex and the City and Desperate Housewives. They were not even trying for those of us from the Heroes, Buffyverse, Xena: Warrior Princess and Smallville crowds. You know, the ones who would actually watch and promote the show.

5. "Superhero shows haven't done well on television." Really? Okay, what was Buffy, if not a superhero? Clark Kent and Smallville? Heroes? Xena? These shows all lasted more than three seasons and have cult followings. These shows all over came atrocious scheduling that would have killed lesser shows.

6. DC Comics. Wonder Woman is one of their prize treasures, yet they let this show concept get mishandled from the start. Where were they when David E. Kelly was fucking this show up? Counting the days til they can release more Superman and Batman toys no doubt.

Wonder Woman was such a huge influence on me. I was raised on her comics and the television show. I wanted more than anything to be Lynda Carter, fighting crime with my golden lasso and bracelets, flying my invisible jet. I am sad for all those little girls out there who won't get a chance to know her character like I did.

I love superhero movies. Batman, Superman, Iron Man, and Spider-Man are all some of my favorites...I'm happy that they are so successful, but where is the hero for the girls? I watch every summer as the men kick ass and the women are damsels to be rescued, relegated to love interests and hero tech support. Even Sue Storm is nothing more than the cook/secretary for the Fantastic Four. Don't believe me, watch those films again. She spends more time asking those guys what they want to eat and going "Oh Reed." "Oh Johnny." and "What's happening?" Not to mention the running joke of her losing her clothes.

There were bright spots with X-Men and Watchmen, but nothing where it is solely a female hero taking charge. Elektra and Cat-Woman were both abysmal and I hate it when they are held up as examples of why women fail as superheroes. No one other than comic geeks were familiar with Elektra and the whole world knows Cat-Woman was a villain in Batman NOT a superhero.

When, oh when, are we going to get a bonafide female superhero blockbuster movie? I'm holding out hope for Marvel's Black Widow, that she will get her own flick. But since Marvel has not planned an origins movie for their female X-Men, my faith is dwindling. It is so frustrating being a woman and a fan of superheroes.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

We Have A Winner!

Thank you so much to everyone who participated in this little party giveaway. Now I put all your names into my Atomic Randomizer, patent pending, and drew out the name of one lucky winner who will receive a free download of my newest sexy hot tale, Byzantine Provocateur

So without further ado...Drum Roll...Congratulations Matt!

And this i not all the good news. Check out this gorgeous badge from Arlee at Tossing It Out for finishing the big A to Z. Isn't it B-E-A-utiful?

I'm so proud of myself and all my fellow challengers. We swung for the scoreboard and did an amazing job. Hell to the Yeah!! Here's to us. I'm pouring a much needed pomegranate martini and hoisting a toast.

I do have some tidbits to share in the coming days, but my schedule is still a bit wonky so my posting will be a bit off for a few more days. I apologize most sincerely to all my blog buddies out there that I am missing. I promise to be back visiting soon. Take care my friends and I will see you soon. Hugs!

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Z Is For...Zee Big Finish!!!

Yay!!! I have reached the end of the big A to Z Challenge. It's been a hell of a ride and I have made so very many wonderful new friends. It only took me an extra week, but that's okay. I finished and I am proud of myself. And I couldn't be happier that you all stuck with me and are here to help me celebrate. I love you all and appreciate your support very much. It's party time people. Time to have too much gin and other liquid refreshments like Zillah. And what party would be complete without presents.

Hooray! Presents!!

You gotta love a free gift. If you want, just leave a comment, along with an email to contact, and on Tuesday night I will draw a name using my Atomic Randomizer. That lucky person will receive a download of my story, Byzantine Provocateur.

I know this party is getting off to rather late start. I apologize as my schedule is off-kilter for right now and I'm still trying to work things out. Thanks for bearing with me as I get my act together. Anyway, I'm babbling so let's get on to the show.

Z Is For...Zombie, Rob Zombie

You thought I was posting about those flesh-eating ghouls, didn't you? Well, I decided to go with one of the gods of my horror idolatry, Rob Zombie. What can I say about one of the coolest guys on planet Earth? He's a writer, director, and oh yeah, he rocks a heavy metal music career. A trifecta of cool in my book.

His movies may not always be the best, but they are a bloody awesome ride from start to finish. He has a true love of the genre and is a connoisseur of all things demented, scary, gory and evil. His films have a swagger and a 'tude that makes me want to grab a machete and jump right into the fray. House of a 1000 Corpses and The Devil's Rejects are his best work. The Firefly clan is right up there with Freddy, Michael, Jason and Leatherface. In 2007 he rebooted Halloween, part of a spate of classic horror remakes. It was not his best, but I relished it nonetheless. It was Michael Myers, come on.

For his awesome as hell director buds Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez, Zombie did a fake trailer for their 2007 Grindhouse collaboration. Werewolf Women of the S.S. was one sexy hilarious beast of a short with Nic Cage rockin' a fu manchu 'stache. Here's a look...

Rob Zombie is great fun if you have a certain, twisted outlook on things like I do. He's certainly not for everyone.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Y Is For...

Y Is For...Yvonne De Carlo

Oh My, I've made it to Y and alas, poor Yorick is about to have his head bashed. But, on with the Challenge as promised. My selection for Y is the incomparable Yvonne De Carlo, known to all as one Lily Munster. She and Carolyn Jones aka Morticia Addams, are the two TV moms that had the most influence on my childhood. My friends all wanted Carol Brady, not me. Give me the wife of Frankenstein's monster and the proud daughter of the most lovable vampire ever. Sorry Edward, Grandpa Munster's got you by the short and curlies. He's not only a vampire, but a mad scientist. Take that!

Though Yvonne is best remembered as the feisty Lily, she had an extensive film career. She appeared alongside some of Hollywood's biggest icons like Charlton Heston, Clark Gable, John Wayne, Burt Lancaster, Sidney Poitier and Alec Guinness. Her filmography includes The Ten Commandments, McLintock!, Criss Cross, The Captain's Paradise and Band of Angels.

During WWII, she worked tirelessly to boost troop morale and was a favorite among the soldiers, sailors and marines. She sang beautifully and had a powerful contralto voice. Movie composer John Williams arranged the music for her self-titled 1957 album.

Her television career was lengthy as well, having guest starred in shows like Bonanza and The Virginian. In the 90's she appeared in one of my favorites, Tales From The Crypt. She is an icon in the world of horror, too, for her work on films like The Power, Sorority House Murders and Cellar Dweller.

For all her work, Yvonne was awarded not one, but two stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. One at 6124 Hollywood Blvd for her work in film and another at 6715 Hollywood Blvd. for her contribution to television.

What a woman she was.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Author Raine Delight Is In The House

Imaginarians, today is a great day for me and for you because my cool friend, author Raine Delight is here. Creator of the fantastic Devon Falls series, Raine sat down with me recently and let me in on a few of her trade secrets, plus a little about her hottest new release.

Hi Melissa and thanks for having me here. A little about me… Raine Delight loves to be pampered by her harem of men that exist solely for her pleasure. Wait…..that was in a movie I saw. Hey, I can dream. I love to fight with my muse, attack my manuscripts and find a way to silence the many voices in my head. Inspiration hits at odd times and for me, a blank word document page gives me many possibilities on story ideas. Living with my two kids, a significant other who supports my every move in writing, doesn’t mind that I talk about my books like they are real people and that I get up at 2 am to type away on the computer. With a love for Johnny Depp, movies and 80’s hair bands, I find a way to bring all my chaotic thoughts into a story that tells my readers about love and romance.

What was the inspiration behind your latest release?

Raine: Fantasies Unbound is a repackaged, rewritten re-release of a formally titled Fairy Kisses & Magical Dreams. It’s about a Fae Prince who is down to the wire in finding his life mate. Unfortunately falling in love with humans is against the law in his land but when he finds that his life mate is no other than a sexy human woman, well, Aryan has to figure out how to keep his fated mate forever or be forced into an arranged marriage. A little mother’s intervention, a magic spell and a magical Faberge Egg all factor in for these two to have a fairytale happy ending.
What I loved about this is I was able to incorporate my love of fairies into a sexy story that is smoldering hot and it included my fascination of Faberge Eggs.

Next up is a futuristic ménage-my first one. *laughs* It is my ode to pirates of the Caribbean and Firefly shows/movies I adore. Mix them both up and you get Space Pirates: Bounty. It’s a race across the stars for a human woman as she falls for the most wanted space pirates known in the galaxy-Capt. Rafe and Tyrese his first mate. With bounty hunters on their trail, they set off to save Kara’s friend from alien slavers and in the process find a love worth fighting for. That will come out in late June from Shadowfire Press.

I enjoy your Devon Falls books. What is it like to create a series as opposed to just a single title?

Raine: Why thank you Melissa. You will be happy to hear that the first four books are being re-released at Secret Cravings Publishing this year. I expanded them considerably to give them a bit more depth and in Fiery magic (book 4), I added two key scenes that had me crying while I was writing it.

I wasn’t anticipating writing a series at all. I was just planning two books but somehow it morphed into over five books with five more planned in the future. It was like a snowball rolling down the mountainside; it kept building and building until I had a series of books that just were fun to write. I love coming back and seeing all my favorite people I created and adding to the town in someway be it with new characters or rejoining past couples I wrote about. I am thinking of doing a few “After the story ends” free reads soon but that won’t happen until I get some deadlines cleared up.

I do also enjoy writing single titles because it gives me a break of world building and everything. Besides lately every single title I wrote seems to have secondary characters yelling for a story. *laughs*

When did you know that you wanted to be a writer? What do you love most about being a writer?

Raine: I always read whatever I got my hands on-magazines, newspapers, cereal boxes and drove my mom nuts by asking to go to the local library constantly. I never thought I could be a writer…but after reading one to many TSTL Characters, I was dared by an author friend to see if I could do better. Many drafts later, the beginning of Devon Falls came about and the rest is history as they say.

I love creating new stories, be it in far reaches of space or in the paranormal genre filled with sexy werewolves, seductive vampires and all things that go bump in the night. Letting my muse loose is fun if at times exasperating. My muse has a tendency to go off in the middle of nowhere and leave me to my own devices at critical moments. Drives me batty in the end, he pulls through for me and helps me get the story done.

What aspects of the publishing business frustrate you the most?

Raine: The pirates…hands down they annoy, stress and continue to plague our business. I could go on and on about this but it is something that needs to get resolved and quickly. The pirates in the publishing world have no shame in stealing our hard earned money by sharing our books for free. We need a federal law or something to stop them in their tracks but alas, if you shut one place down, several more pop up that same day.

The other thing is that the NY houses always seemed to look their noses down on us E-publishing people and yet e-book sales grew in record numbers. Authors in e-book publishing are as hard working as their NY author counterparts and I am thrilled to see that recognized by NY houses. Will the print book go away? No…but it can enhance the business. Just my opinion anyways.

What was the biggest shock for you when you once you got that first story published?

Raine: OH…MY…GOD…I got to do WHAT????!!! *grins* I remember thinking I will never use my business degree yet once I got my first contract, I was immersed in learning marketing for e-books, promoting my work and myself and trying to build a readership.

What genre haven’t you tried, yet, that you would love to explore?

Raine: M/M…I am writing two M/M stories that are my ode to one of my favorite genres. I just hope I can do this genre justice and tell a story readers will love.

If we looked on your bookshelf right now, what are some of the titles we would find?

Raine: *Laughing hysterically* What bookcase do you want to look at? I have five plus three boxes in the living room. I have Bertrice Small on there, JD Robb’s In Death series, Kim Harrison’s Hollows series, Sherrilyn Kenyon’s Dark Hunters, Chronicles of Nick series, DN Simmons “Knights of the Darkness series, Kelley Armstrong’s Otherworld series, Jaye Wells, Gail Z. Martin’s Fantasy series-Chronicles of the Necromancer, Jim Butcher’s Codex Alera series and the list goes on and on. *grins* That is jus ton a few bookcases, doesn’t include my e-reader or flash drive for the computer.

Music or silence when you write?

Raine: Music all the way. Some scenes click with the right music and others I just use for noise. Sometimes the music gets in the story like in Fiery Magic. Bon Jovi came out with a single called (You want to) Make a Memory that fit the entire story perfectly and I used their music as my inspiration for Damien and Alicia’s story.

If you could take one of your characters out on the town, who would it be and what would you do?

Raine: I have a feeling it would be my Club Fantasy boys-Sim and Damien. They are hot, sexy and who doesn’t love a demon of lust and his lover as dates. *grins* Since they own the hottest paranormal BDSM club in Club Fantasy, I would love to see what they have to offer there. *wicked grin*

What was the best piece of writing advice you have ever received?

Raine: Write for yourself first then for readers. What may be enjoyable to one may not appeal to others. I love picking the brains of some of the more established authors who have been in this business far longer than I have and they are always so generous with their advice and comments when I ask questions on this business. I am hoping to grow as an author by following their advice and maybe have a career that spans into the NY houses. *fingers crossed*
My links:
Website: http://authorrainedelight.com

Raine’s Blog: http://authorrainedelight.wordpress.com
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Raine_Delight
Author/Reader Loop: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Author_Raine_Delight
Email me: rainedelight@yahoo.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/AuthorRaine-Delight
Shadowfire Press: http://www.shadowfirepress.com
Secret Cravings Publishing: http://www.secretcravingspublishing.com

Rest assured, my friends, Y and Z, the Big Finish to the Big A to Z are coming, I'm planning a party for The End with a giveaway. Have a stupendously awesome day or if things are crap, have a day, then treat yourself tonight. :)

X Is For...

X Is For...XXX

Naughty is the name of my game and I am proud of that fact. When I tell people I write erotica, I get the initial "You write what?" followed by either prurient curiosity, righteous disdain or shock. Writing sex apparently makes me less than. In the blink of an eye, I go from being a fellow writer/interesting person/nice woman to one of those people.

Writing sex makes me a pervert, a lame hack writer, a desperate woman who can't get any and whole host of other rather nasty labels. It's amazing. I write erotic fantasy therefore I'm harboring illicit intentions toward your man/woman/kid. Back off, I obviously can't control myself. Why I might turn into a quivering mass of frenzied desire before your very eyes. I might rape you in public.

And some of my fellow writers are just as ridiculous. I write sex, therefore I have no concept of themes, conflict, characterization, good dialogue, tension or anything resembling good writing skills. All I'm capable of producing is weeping channels, manly rods, quivering lips and raven tresses. Or the more straight forward cunts, pussies, dicks, cocks, thrusts and orgasms.

The third response makes me smile at times and also cringe. When people find out I write sex, they endow me with a wild side to make porn stars blush. I'm the go-to Encyclopedia of All Things Sex. "How do you use those Altoids?" "What's it like being handcuffed to the bed?" "Can you show me how to use that riding crop?" The cringe factor comes in when they feel comfortable blurting things out to me. "I tried anal sex once. It was weird, but good." "My girl gives the best head, she sucks it just hard enough, you know?" No, I don't and I don't want to.

I often wonder if writers in other genres ever get the same responses. Do people expect you know how to stash a body because obviously you've had practice? If your villain chains someone up in the basement, is that because you've done it? Can you really fly a spaceship through an asteroid field? Do you mix poisons and potions in your spare time?

I will admit I do have my Great Store of Knowledge, but only very, very special people get inside to see my cash and prizes. I write sex. Write It. I am not a pervert/pedophile/nymphomaniac, I am quite capable of crafting well-executed stories. I am not a red light library and no, I don't need to hear about your sex life for inspiration.

I write sex, but it's not all that I am. Sorry for the rant, but over the last week or so, it came to my attention that a high school English teacher in Middleburg, Pennsylvania was persecuted by a group of parents and the local media for being an erotica writer. She's taught at that school for 25 years, but because someone found out she writes erotic fantasy under a PEN NAME, suddenly she's the biggest pervert in the history of the town. The outpouring of support for her, however, has been tremendous. Check out this video made by one of her former students.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

W Is For...

W Is For...Werewolves

Did you think W would be any other? Come on, this is me we're talking about. I love, love me the werewolves. They are my favorite monsters of all time, sexy beasts with no equal in my heart of hearts. To tell you how bad I have it for the wolves, I begged Santa for Eddie Munster's werewolf doll, Woof-Woof. It's all thanks to Lon Chaney, Jr. and local TV horror icon Son of Svengoolie. They were my first werewolf experience.

I've seen troves werewolf movies, from the sublime-blow-your-mind-wow to the supremely ridiculous crap that features no werewolf at all. You know the type, some bubble gum snapping intern throws fake blood on the lens, while another growls off camera and the actor screams and yells while more fake blood is being thrown on them. Whoo effing Hoo.

Now, as with all monster movies there is Good Shit, Bad Shit, Campy Shit and Shit To Avoid At All Costs. Here's the criteria for werewolves:

1. The Transformation - If there is no badass transformation, things are going south no matter how good the plot is. I mean, the whole freaking point of watching a werewolf movie is that monster. The two best werewolf transformation scenes ever, in the history of werewolf flicks are 1981's The Howling and An American Werewolf in London. No CGI has ever, and I mean never ever, been able to equal the masters Rob Bottin and Rick Baker.

This is the link for Rob Bottin's Howling scene. The embed codes have all been disabled much to my screaming frustration. This is the best werewolf transformation scene ever.

Here is Rick Baker's work from An American Werewolf in London. It is second only to Bottin's work.

And here is the final result with a righteous kill shot.

2. The Monster - Once you have a kick ass transformation, you need an excellent monster. Again, the whole point of a werewolf movie is the creature. Here's a good one from Ginger Snaps, a rockin awesome female werewolf trilogy.

3. The Kill Factor - This is part of the whole fun of werewolf movies. Watching these furry bastards claw and chew their way through a variety of victims. I give you Eddie Quist (Robert Picardo) from The Howling about to take a bite out of poor Terry (Belinda Balaski)

Now that I prepped you on what to look for in a werewolf movie, here are some examples in my various categories.

Good Shit Must see werewolf movies

The Howling (1981)

An American Werewolf in London (1981)

Ginger Snaps (2000)

Dog Soldiers (2002)

The Wolfman (2010)

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009)

Bad Shit Werewolf movies that are just dumb but they're all right if nothing else is on. Pretty good monsters, too.

Skinwalkers (2006)

An American Werewolf in Paris (1997)

Bad Moon (1996)

Never Cry Werewolf (2008)

Campy Shit Werewolf movies that are not great stories, but are pure bloody fun

Cursed (2005)

Silver Bullet (1985)

The Wolfman (1941)

Frankenstein Meets The Wolfman (1943)

Shit To Avoid At All Costs These are so effing bad, I can't even begin rationalize how they got put into production. In other words Supremely Ridiculous Crap.

The Beast of Bray Road (2005) The monster here looks like a shag rug with teeth.

She-wolf of London (1946) There is no monster period, just a woman covering her face and men screaming. Sounds like a blind date to me.

All the subsequent Howlings: Howling 2:Stirba, Werewolf Bitch, Howling III, IV, V... and it just spirals down into a morass of stupidity and gratuitous nudity. The werewolves are actors with Halloween masks purchased from Wal-Mart. And that's when these movies even bother to have a monster. Mostly they're the interns with buckets of fake blood.

Hope you enjoyed my little Werewolf Movies 101. Now go out and enjoy the day and thanks for sticking with me through the rest of this A to Z. We're almost there.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Reflections On The Big A to Z

Well here we are on May 2 and while the big A to Z Challenge is over for most of you, I am still slogging through, determined to reach Z. Though I have not finished yet, I still got a great award from Elizabeth Mueller. Isn't it pretty? I know I posted it yesterday, but it's great I had to put it up a second time. :)

Arlee over at Tossing It Out, one of the big hosts asked us all to participate in a Mega Reflections post. So I'll share with you my experiences from this month long fest.

It has been a fantastic, daunting, amazing, difficult, magnificent experience. I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I signed up. I have met so many brilliant and remarkable people that I can't even begin to tell you. I also saw another side to friends I already had at the start of this. It was a joyous discovery to see what they had put together each day. There were films, excerpts, anecdotes, songs, words of wisdom, writing tips... a treasure trove of wonders to read about.

I reached deep inside of myself and shared some things that surprised me, memories I had put away. I appreciate to the bottom of my heart and soul all the wonderful comments I received on these various posts. It was so amazing to connect with others who had similar experiences, tastes in movies, songs, etc. My blog is not even a year old and the number of people who have kindly visited, commented and followed, especially during this challenge, leaves me speechless. I had no idea so many would respond to words I thought I would be posting for myself mainly.

It was very difficult trying to navigate through all the participants and I am disappointed at not being able to visit as many of the blogs on the list as I wanted. I got kind of lost, actually, and wasn't able to keep track of where I'd been. I'm going to try and hit as many more as I can because from the names they all sound intriguing and I don't want to miss a thing.

I hope you all had as much fun as I did and I can say without hesitation that I am ready to sign up again for next time. Thank you Arlee, Alex, Stephen, Jen, Talli Candace, Jeffrey and Karen. You did a brilliant job co-hosting and for giving us all this opportunity to connect. I wish you all out there a wonderful week and I hope you'll stick with me for the final letters. I'm planning something special for the big finale. Peace!

Sunday, May 1, 2011

V Is For...

Poor Victor, run over by a train...Yeesh!

I want to extend a HUGE thanks to Elizabeth Mueller who has designed and given out this absolutely fantastic A to Z Participation Award. I have not finished, but I'm plugging along and hope you all will stick with me. We're almost there, kids.

V Is For...Vampires, Vampires, Vampires

I could not go through this challenge without talking about one of my favorite monsters, vampires. I'm talking the blood-sucking, cross hating, garlic intolerant, day-sleeping monsters, NOT Edward Cullen, the 100 year old, still wants to go to high school, sunlight-makes-me-sparkle-like-Tinkerbell, vampire. I've often wondered, shouldn't he be considered a pedophile? I mean he's older than 99.9% of the adult population and is clearly stalking underage girls.

I digress. From the scary to the seductive, vampires have been fueling the fire of my dark imagination since I first saw Bela Lugosi drift across the screen as Count Dracula. Since then I've read and seen the Good, the Bad and the WTF of vampire books and movies. Some incorporate the folklore and expand upon it in wild, differing ways, while others make up their own mythology all together. Here's a partial list of some faves of mine.


Let The Right One In John Ajvide Lindqvist

Dracula Bram Stoker

Carmilla Sheridan Le Fanu

I Am Legend Richard Matheson

Salem's Lot Stephen King

Guilty Pleasures Laurell K. Hamilton (Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series)

Interview With The Vampire Anne Rice

The Strain Guillermo del Toro (The Strain trilogy)

Dead Until Dark Charlaine Harris (The Southern Vampire Mysteries)


30 Days of Night (2007)

From Dusk Til Dawn (1996)

Let The Right One In (2008)

Let Me In (2010)

Underworld (2003)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

Dracula 2000 (2000)

Nosferatu (1922)

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)

Vampires (1998)

Dracula (1931)

Here's a little taste of the scary and the seductive sides of these monsters...

And the scene that burned Salma Hayek into our minds