Movies I Hate & Wish I'd Never Paid To See Part 1

Today I'm starting something new. Since it's the High Holiest of Holy summer box office jam and I'm in movie mode, I thought I'd give a bit of a rundown on films that I feel I was screwed over, ripped off, cheated, manipulated, and otherwise swindled when I went to see them. I wanted and still want,my money back from these stinkers. I will probably not be a popular person when you read some of these, but well great minds do not always think alike and differing tastes and opinions are what make this world awesome. So with out further ado, here is the first on my list.

The Notebook

I can hear the gasps and vitriolic defenses gearing up. How dare you hate this movie, Melissa. It's so romantic and beautiful and just the best love story ever. What's WRONG with you? I'll tell you what's wrong.

First of all this is not romance. This is an emotionally manipulative piece of sugar frosting birthday cake disguised as romance. It's so cute, that it defines the word and every single synonym for cute. We have cute actors, a cute small town setting, a cute story and cute dialogue. I'm sorry, but this movie was so saccharine sweet, it put me into a diabetic coma from which I am only now recovering.

There is nothing romantic about a user manual movie that tells you when to cry,when to say "awww," when to sigh, when to sniffle and when to turn and hug your BFF because you're so overcome with cute-itis.

I hated every frame of this film, from the trite,overblown dialogue to the cotton candy sweet performances. I even hated the rain and wanted to set fire to that damned old house.

I know, I know Melissa, you cynical bitch. You just are hatin' for no reason. Why Rachel and Ryan are so amazing. And just look at how Noah and Allie struggled to be together and then they die at the end in that nursing home. It's heartbreaking. How can you trash such epic, passionate love? Very easily.

If you have not seen this movie, count yourself lucky. Otherwise you'll be like me and want to bleach your brain and brush your teeth.