It Is Alive!!!

Hey there Imaginarians, sorry I've been so quiet. I'm still trying to kick cancer in the ass, but it has turned into all out war. I had my surgery on Jan 5 to remove all girly parts, thought that would be it. However, this bitch had other ideas. More tumors have been found and I am now considered Stage 4. I could not believe this shit. Now I am forced to undergo more chemo plus radiation. Ugh.

But, I am keeping a positive attitude. I'm still moving forward. I even have some good news to share. After receiving an email from a fellow author telling me to give up my writing and spend what little time I have left with family, I thanked her for the toe tag and finished the last two chapters on a story. I have a new contract for a novella called Silken Skies and I will let you know as soon as it has a release date and cover. Yay me!

Hopefully, I will not be going so long between posts. I'm so happy you all are sticking with me. You rock, my friends.

The Big C Blog Hop and Anthology

My hugest thanks to Michael Di Gesu, who organized this. You are an amazing friend and I wouldn't know what to do without you.

As many of you know, I am currently locked in battle with the Big C...Cancer. Today I am celebrating the fight with my wonderful fellow bloggers on this Big C Cancer Blog hop. We are telling stories of the humor found in dealing with this disease. Humor helps a lot in this battle, it is a very effective weapon in keeping one's spirits up and at the ready.

Money is also an important part of the fight, so these entries you read are all going to be published in an anthology to help me in my fight. Whatever I do not use of the proceeds will be donated to Gilda's Club Chicago, a very important place for women fighting this terrible disease.

Thanks for reading. You can find all the incredible, wonderful participants here.

So without further ado, here is my entry....

An Unexpected Show

Chemo. Losing my hair. Vomiting. Losing my freakin' hair. I was upset and nervous and angry as we walked into UIC's Out Patient Cancer Center for my first chemo treatment. I had little enough hair as it was thanks to genetics now I was going to lose the rest. Perfect. I was going to be short, fat and now bald. Unless I got a wig. And my experience with wigs was almost non existent, except I knew they could be expensive unless one was talking Halloween costume types. Another expense. Great.

"You're scowling," my sister whispered.

"No."

"Yes you are. Stop it or you'll scare the nurses."

"Okay, fine."

She was right. It wouldn't due to frighten the people who were going to people who were going to take care of me.

After what seemed like hours we were called back to the infusion rooms.  The chairs were exactly like I'd seen in the movies, these uncomfortable looking recliners caught somewhere between spa comfort and dental office chic. I sat and my nurse introduced herself, a really nice, down-to-earth woman she was. She gave me the rundown of everything to expect. There was so much to process I felt like I was about to take a physics test without having learned the chapters.

First came the Benedryl, anti-nausea cocktail that put me to sleep. Just as I was beginning to enjoy a nap, the big chemo drug bag was administered. As I settled in and watched the drip, a little woman came in with a huge cart.

"Hi. I'm here from the American Cancer Society with some wigs for you. As a cancer patient, our program entitles you to one free wig."

Color me stunned.

My sister and I looked at each other, then at the wigs in the cart. The ACS rep left us with the wigs and we started pouring over them. An idea formed in my mind. I had to get into a better mood. After discounting all the ones that surely would not work, we snatched up the short. blonde ones.

"Let's do a wig show," I said.

"What? You mean try all these on and walk around in them?"

I nodded. "And take crazy pictures."

"Cool! Let's do this."

One by one I tried on the wigs, strutting around as much as my dance partner aka the IV machine would let me. The nurses came in clapping as I posed and pranced. A wig did not seem so bad now and neither was my mood. I laughed as my sister showed me the pics. I was determined to rock a wig and no longer afraid of losing my hair.

I've Been Blitzed!

Happy Friday Imaginarians!! I'm feeling the love of this awesome community in super force right now. I got blitzed yesterday and just wow. Thank you does not even begin to cover the gratitude and positive energy I'm feeling. But all the same, thank you from the bottom of my heart, you all are wonderful, amazing, thoughtful people and I am proud to be a part of this community. I will be working my way through all the comments left and visiting everyone as my energy level allows.

As you may or may not know I just spent nine days in the hospital and am preparing for the battle of my life. I went in for a simple x-ray of my hip and lumbar area because 'd been having horrible pain that would not allow me to sit, stand or lay down for very long. Well, they found a mass. I was admitted and scheduled for biopsy faster than I could blink. It is malignant, so needless to say I am in for the biggest fight, but I am bringing my A game and going total badass bitch on this.

I'll be around as much as I can, but since I have major health considerations now, I may miss time. Thanks again for being my friends, my support, my Imaginarians. I love you!!

Hump Day

Hey Imaginarians, it's Hump Day and nothing much has been going on. I did meet with my crit partners for the first time in months and we did get a lot of stuff read, plus we had a terrific time talking as we had a lot to catch up on. I also managed to write a few paragraphs, not much, but I'm getting back into writing at least.

I want to say thank you to all of you who have stuck by this blog and me. I could not ask for a better group of  friends and supporters. I'm making my way to all of you, its just taking me longer than I thought.Coming back is hard and I still have my dark moments.

Sunday was a lazy day for me. I totally did nothing but watch old movies, then the Golden Globes. I watched Arsenic and Old Lace as well as The Thing From Another Planet, plus a Bob Hope classic, Bachelor In Paradise. It was a day for total relaxation around here. And yes, that means I did not watch football. I just don't care about any of the teams this season. I will watch the championship games and the Super Bowl, but these other playoff games were meh. I burned out my enthusiasm after watching the Packers lose at home in a close shave.

I can't wait for the Oscar noms tomorrow. I'm really hoping Leonardo DiCaprio gets a nom because he deserves it for his wildly brilliant performance in Wolf Of Wall Street. Loved that movie, it was so wrong it was epic. And most uses of the F word in a three hour period. Over 500 times. Now that is creative usage of a very versatile word, which also happens to be one of my favorites. I haven't seen it used so creatively since Goodfellas.

Happy Friday And What I Learned from 2013

Whoo hoo, it's Friday, my favorite day of the week. It seems it takes forever to get here sometimes, doesn't it? Do you all have big plans for the weekend? I'm hoping to get some writing done and catch up on American Horror Story because I missed the last four eps, so shhhh...No Spoilers! ;)

I can't believe 2013 is over. The year ended on such a downer, but I did have an amazing time and learned alot, good, bad and ugly. Here are just a few of those lessons...


I learned one of my favorite TV shows, Sons of Anarchy, has some of the stoopidest, most ignorant fans out there. Example, recently a dedicated fan site posed the question "Since the show is coming into its last season, who do you think will die?" Me: "Everyone. This is Hamlet set in a motorcycle club according to Kurt Sutter [the creator] and everyone died in Shakespeare's play." Ignoramus Fan: "Shut the fuck up U dum cow. This is about Jax and the mc and guns and shit,  not a story some old dude wrote like 40 years ago. Git fucked u bitch."  Ah the intelligent discourse to be found on the internet.

I must make a Murtagh list because there is definitely shit I am too old for. Like riding my once beloved Tilt-A Whirl. I was so excited at the Festival of the Lakes this past summer. I got on the Tilt-A-Whirl with my nephew and sister. We got a great car that spun like mad. Sadly, when the ride was over, I nearly fell half a dozen times before I managed to stagger down the stairs and off the ride. Thankfully, I did not embarrass myself by yakking all over. I was, however, dizzy for the next two hours. A sad, sad, day for me.

Apparently, I am broke enough for the Federal Government to be on Medicaid, but still make too much money according to the State of Illinois, who denied me the coverage.

One of my local movie theaters has the first showing of the day for $5. Methinks that I will be seeing a lot more features at 9:00 AM on Saturdays.

I learned how to use a Smartphone. Yes!

2013 was also a year of reunions. I also reconnected with a couple of very old friends. We had been MIA from each other' lives for 15 years and thanks to Facebook, we got back together and have hung out several times.

Last year was also a great one for movies and while I'm not going to compile a whole list, some of my faves were The Hobbit 2, Thor 2, Pacific Rim, Man of Steel, Iron Man 3, Fast 6, World War Z and God, help me, Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa. I have a very juvenile sense of humor.

One of the highlights of the year was me getting to drive a 2013 Dodge Challenger. I learned I do love to go very, very fast.

So what stood out from 2013 for you? Have a terrific weekend and I'll be be back on Monday. It sure feels good to say that.

Hanging In And Some News

Hey there Imaginarians, my friends, my online family...I have MISSED you all so much. I'm still out, but I found a way to at least keep in partial touch so look for me in the shadows, lurking about and leaving a comment or two before I go dark again. I'm hoping to have a new computer this weekend.

I wanted to share some news while I had the opportunity. First, W4W, Writers 4 Writers, is going to be co-starring Yours Truly and the awesome Gwen Gardner this month. Cue Kermit the Frog's wild cheering...Yay!!!! So on Februay 18, pretty please get ready to do some serious tweeting. I thank you tremendously in advance.

Next, we have an awesome blogfest from our Captain Ninja, Alex. The Top Ten Movie Countdown Blogfest blasts off on March 18. Go sign up, have fun, meet the other brilliant participants.

The incredible E.J. Wesley has launched his Moonsongs blog tour See where he'll be and all the good stuff he's talking about.

Too cool for words Jessica Bell has released her newest, The Book. Go check it out, she's a great writer.

Last, but most certainly not least, is the awe-inspiring Overcoming Adversity Blogfest hosted by Nick over at Scattergun Scribblings. He is compiling the entries into a book and the proceeds will go to fund college for his son Andrew, who has cerebral palsy.Here is my entry:

Silencing the Crowd

The crowd roared, a thunderous boom as Tommy Pike went down stealing second. One out, one on, they were down two and crappy Frankie Cisco followed her. Man,  she had to get on base.

"Lani, you're up next." Coach Miller barked.

She huffed out an irritated breath. "I know."

"Just relax. Take your time, watch the ball. Clark's got some stuff on his curve and you always fall for it."

Much as she didn't want to take Coach's advice, Lani knew he was right. She always fell for that hanging curve like stupid Charlie Brown and Peppermint Patty's fastball.

"Come on, Little Lady, speed it up. We ain't got all day around here."

She glanced over at Mr. Cisco, father of said crappy Frankie. He gave a her greasy smirk as he hoisted another slice of pizza into his big mouth. Lani wanted to gag. No wonder Frankie stunk.

The cheers grew louder as she grabbed her helmet from Coach and fit it on her head, grimacing at the pressure. She jogged to the plate, taking a couple of practice swings. The pressure on her ears increased and she stepped back, giving the umpire a "Time Out" sign.

She shook her head. How could she have forgotten something so simple?

Trotting back to the dugout, she winced as she removed her helmet. Coach held out his hand and she took off her hearing aids, settling them in his big palm.

The crowd immediately fell silent, the world now a quiet place where she could concentrate. She put on her helmet and smiled, a steely calm coming over her as she headed back to the plate. Time to swing for the fences...

Hope you enjoyed my little piece. It was inspired by one kick ass little girl, who plays on my nephew's baseball team. Not only does she play with the boys, but she does it without being able to hear the coach or the umpire when she bats.

At A Loss

My most profound apologies for having abandoned all of you of late. I have been working a lot at a job assignment, on writing and have had several things come crashing down around me. I haven't said anything, tried to just go about doing my thing, but it is all starting to wear on me.

But one thing happened recently that has made me tired in my soul. Have you had someone touch your life just for a second, but for some reason you always remember them?  I met Erica at my nephew's Halloween party a few years ago. She came with her daughter, Tiffany, both of them these delicate little creatures who had these wonderful smiles. Erica thought it was a birthday party and brought my nephew a gift. When my sister tried to give it back, she shook her head and just smiled that ethereal smile, saying only,  "It'll be his birthday eventually." I joked with her a while that day and only met her a few times more times after that, our paths never crossing again. But, I always remembered her.

Just about 2 weeks ago I found out she was murdered. Broken to pieces by the savage brute she once called husband. It was so horrific that they could only have a picture of her on her coffin.

 I sit here sickened and horrified to my marrow.  My mind churns, keeps going back to that Halloween party, to Erica's tiny hands, her delicate arms and that huge smile. I keep seeing Tiffany laughing and playing. And this blackness settles in my heart.  I don't know why, either. I did not know her, only met her a few times. My sister knew her, was her friend. My heart breaks for her and for her Erica's family, most especially Tiffany.

Domestic violence has always been on the edges of my world. I knew kids growing up who were hit, mothers and other who got slapped around. This is why I am drawn to exceptionally strong women and constantly speak out on women's issues. I  know that there are people out there who have witnessed more far more violence than I have, who have lost loved ones to war. I  have known people who were shot, stabbed, etc. You can't live where I live and not know victims of violence. But this incident has just shaken me and I can't explain it.

I know this is an awful way to post for a Friday, but please, if you get a chance and are able, donate to organizations that help victims of domestic violence like the Community Welcome House. And pray.

It's the End of The World...NOT

Well it's December 21 and I want to know where the zombies are. I mean really, I was looking forward to starting my own crew ala Walking Dead and kicking some flesheater ass. There's nothing. Damn you, Mayans, what the heck? This means I have to pay my bills...Son of a bitch.  I'm sure the electric company won't accept "thought the world would end and I spent my money hoarding crossbows, katana swords, beef jerky and Diet Pepsi." Ah well...

Thanks for bearing with me while I've been gone. I'm in the midst of so many things right now I could scream. But thank God I am busy. I'll be back with a Christmas post after I finish some of the projects I've got going. And I am also working my way through all the fantastic comments you guys left on previous posts. In the mean time, a huge thanks for sticking and have a wonderful weekend.

What I Am Thankful For

I can't believe it's Thanksgiving already. On the one hand I am relieved since that means the year is almost over, on the other, it seems like time has just flown. 2012 has been filled with extreme lows and a few highs, which unfortunately did not balance out those lows. However, I did discover this year that I have the most amazing people in my life and that includes all of you out there who stop by, read my posts and leave wonderful comments. It makes me smile and feel loved and supported. You are my online family, my friends, my Imaginarians and I am so thankful for all of you. I would not be here without you. You are the very best and I love you.

I wish every one of you a very peaceful, blessed day filled with all good things. If I could hug each one of you I would, but alas I don't have access to the TARDIS or the Starship Enterprise. Peace and laughter, my friends.

Oh, How I Miss You Blogfest

Today is a cornucopia of awesome sauce as all around the blogosphere we celebrate with Captain Ninja Alex, Andrew Leon and Matthew MacNish with their incredibly brilliant and thoughtful Oh, How I Miss You blogfest. We celebrate those bloggers we love who haven't been around a whole lot of late and those we would miss terribly if they were no longer around to inspire us, to make us laugh, to make us think and to cheer us when the chips are down. For all the magnificent participants please click here.

Life happens and for whatever reason, these wonderful people have had to step back from posting as often. I miss their posts terribly. This blogosphere is indeed a dimmer place without their voices each week.

Matt Vanacore at FilmMattic Matt is truly one of the most gifted cinephiles out there. His knowledge of the film world is breathtaking. Each post is an in-depth look at directors, actors, film styles, movements and cinema history. He encourages discussion and debate in a professional, friendly manner. Flamers and ignorant folk need not apply.  He's not posting so much of late and I do miss his insights.

The second person I miss is someone I see every day, my sister Karyn. Doing It MY Way is her blog. She is one person I admire most in the world. A single mom who's been dealt some blows, but she handles it all with grace and humor. She doesn't post very often, months go by sometimes, but what she says is always thoughtful and inspiring. Karyn's not a blogger by nature, she started this as a way to help her deal with the stress, but I encourage her to keep writing. even though her uber busy schedule doesn't allow for much time to devote to writing. Karyn will probably kill me for shoving her into the spotlight, but I am so proud of her. I really hope that she continues to write because I know that there are people out there whom she does help, even if she doesn't realize it.

I love, love all my blog friends out there and honestly wouldn't know what to do without you all. It was very hard for me to narrow this incredible list so I chose three people I've grown closest to recently. These three bloggers are people I count on each week for laughs, for inspiration, for fun and just plain good company. They are pillars of this blogging community and this place would be a much colder place without their bright posts each week.

Ella at Ella's Edge. This woman brings so much sunshine and so many smiles into this world, it would indeed be a sad, gray time if she were to ever stop blogging. Her art, poetry and thoughtful words make her blog a must for me. I hope you all are following her because she is wonderful.

Robyn at Life By Chocolate Robyn's humor strikes me deep in the funny bone. I laugh at her trials and tribulations of being single and dating. It is a brutal world out there and Robyn skewers it with  sharp wit and a fantastic outlook.She also does fantastic posts about her city with great pictures and not to mention her love of al things chocolate. Follow her for sure if you're not already.

Michael De Gesu at In Time has become one of my dearest friends and go to support people. his warmth just radiates out to the rest of the community. he always offers smiles and encouragement. He also posts regularly about health and fitness, cheering us all on as we face the battle of staying an d getting shape.

There you have it, some of the exceptional bloggers I miss and would miss. How about you? Know these awesome peeps? Want to know them?

Have a great weekend. Go Bears and Go Notre Dame!

It's Friday, It's Football

It's Friday!! I know for those of us here in the States this was a short week because of the Labor Day Holiday, but man trying to cram 5 days worth of stuff into 4 is really a giant pain in my caboose. I did manage it, though. Yay! I also want to thank all of you who left a comment on my IWSG post on Wednesday. You left some awesome, encouraging words and some helpful advice. I was overjoyed to know that I was not alone in n this insecurity. I'll be responding to them shortly.

I want to share some really great news. Yesterday, for the first time ever, I got to meet one of my blog friends. Whoo Hoo!!  Michael De Gesu and I met for coffee at this nice place on Michigan Avenue. We shared hours of great conversation and laughs galore. I have a new friend for life. Michael is one of the nicest, most positive people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. He is so supportive and energetic, simply an amazing spirit. I adore him.

I'm very excited because it is Opening Day for my Bears. Sing it with me now "Bear down, Chicago Bears, make every play pave the way for victory..." Okay, shutting up now. I don't want to be responsible for bleeding ears and nausea. LOL

Seriously, I am a football junkie and this is my season. My Sundays consist of rolling out of bed, pulling on my comfiest clothes and whatever Bears tee I can grab (lest you think I'm filthy, I shower before I hit the hay), then planting myself in front of the TV not to move for hours.Yes, it's football all day and all night. I don't answer the phone, I don't answer my door unless it's for food delivery. I vegetate and between beers, I yell at the screen and throw pieces of my Rip Apart Referee doll when things are not going well for my boys. The air grows quite blue from my degrading language as well. I de-volve into a Neanderthal.

I also have rituals that I adhere to like any superstitious fan. I won't share them all because you really will think I am a lunatic, but suffice it to say that I won't wear any orange shirt even though orange is part of the Bears colors. Bad things happen when I wear it. I was wearing my orange Bears shirt when Cutler broke his thumb and ruined our season. I got rid of it immediately.

In spite of appearances to the contrary, anyone who wants to watch football with me is more than welcome to do so. There are always goodies galore and the pizza place is on speed dial. And I do make good conversation on commercials. Plus, this season we can pause live TV (Whoo Hoo!) so the talking should be a lot more interesting and a bit more in-depth.

This is exactly how every Sunday right through the Super Bowl is spent. I have sent regrets for baby showers, wedding showers, birthday parties and other events because of football. And no, I refuse to record a game on DVR, I may pause, but all out recording is just dumb. I don't want to be one of those people running around going "No, don't tell me" until I can get home and watch. Screw that.  Most everyone knows not to bother me and still there are those who foolishly try. I do not budge or change when it comes to my football. I do the very same when I am in the throes of a story. Sign says Do Not Disturb. There are only two excuses I will accept for bothering me during writing/Bears games: Life or Death illness/injury and House on Fire. Otherwise, come back tomorrow. It's very simple.

So what are your plans for the weekend? Are you into football or another sport? What are your favorite teams? How do you keep people from bothering you when you write or watch your team play?

My Unforgettable Place

My incredible friend, Siv over at Been There, Done That is celebrating the release of  her short story, Secrets of the Ash Tree with the Unforgettable Blogfest. Secrets will be released September 4 in the fantasy anthology Open Doors. Yay Siv!

Now, what makes this blogfest so brilliant, aside from celebrating Siv's story, is that we each get to share the person or place that is absolutely unforgettable to us. How awesome is that? To check the other incredible participants, click here

I'm going to share with you a place that I hiked to with my best friend in the entire world, Brenda. It was 1995 and I had just gotten vacation time from my first job after college. Brenda had invited me to go camping with her and I was nervous as heck. Hell, I watch horror films. Give me a hood rat with a gun or blade any day rather than some backwoods scary redneck with plans to skin me and eat me. Then there was always the distinct possibility that a Jason Voorhees type would likely come at me with an axe or machete.

I digress.

She took me to Porcupine Mountain State Park in Michigan. I had never gone hiking in my life. I'm South Side Steel Town girl and to me hiking was what one did when having to walk about 10 blocks to catch the bus.  The last time I had actually been in woods that weren't a city forest preserve was age 10 in Scouts. My troop and I had gone to Butternut Springs, a huge Girl Scout camp in Indiana. Cabin, bus, indoor plumbing... not exactly roughing it.

So Brenda and I set out on this immense trail with backpacks and tent. Now, I am voluptuous chica to say the least, even more so back then. But I had been slowly starting to lose weight, so I was eager to push myself. We started off high above the park at Lake of the Clouds, then we hiked down through some rough trails. I was a sweaty, rotten mess, but I was still feeling all right. Then fatigue started to hit and just when I was hitting pain, we came upon this scene on the trail. This is the Presque Isle River, which runs through Michigan's Upper Peninsula and empties out into Lake Superior.

Beautiful, isn't it? I couldn't believe that I, Melissa Bradley, had hiked miles into a forest and was able to see this amazing scene. It was like being in my own nature film. Scary bear encounter aside, this is one memory that will stay with me always. I was so happy to be able to share it with Brenda.This woman has always been my rock and my instigator. If I'm going to get into trouble not of my own making, she's behind it. No wonder she's on my team when the zombie horde comes.

TGIF

It's the end of the week and I am slap happy. It's been a while since I've been this enthusiastic about a weekend, but there you go. I'm planning on hanging with some friends, go to my writers group and pack for my big move on April 14. I do not want to be one of those up all night, last minute packers. I'm also going to be purging things. Donating clothes, books and other things I don't need any more.

To kick things off, I want to wish my dear friend George from the awesomely cool Cinemarvellous, a huge Happy Birthday. He rocks and always has my back. Plus, he's got some of the best reviews around.

For my You Should Know Friday, I want to spotlight Sloane Taylor, a writer friend of mine who is returning to the blog scene. She is launching her blog, Sloane Taylor. She will be blogging twice a week, Mondays and Wednesdays, with Monday being a writing and whatever strikes her fancy day. Wednesdays are What's Cookin' days as Sloane is a terrific chef. Best of all, she includes recipes for the entire meal, not just a dish or two. She has a fabulous menu up right now for eye of round roast. I'm definitely going to be bribing my sister into cooking this as I prefer batting clean up and try not to do anything with food other than eat it. She is a fabulous writer, too. One of my favorites. Go check out her amazing website as well.

So have a terrific weekend, my friends. At some point, I'll be hoisting a good beer or margarita and one of them will most definitely be to all of you. You Imaginarians are the Best!

Some Mid Week Inspiration

My sister shared this really incredible video with me and I wanted to share it with you. The young women in this video exemplify sportsmanship and honor. They are an absolute inspiration and reminder that there are great people and blessings everywhere. I certainly had that brought home to me these last months. I feel incredibly blessed in my circle of friends and cannot thank everyone enough for propping me up when I needed it.


Watch Christian Videos and Read the Online Bible at GodVine.com

Another Short Post

I'm having my computer worked on today and I don't know what will happen. If I'm not back send a posse...lol, *fingers crossed, sick smile in place* Hopefully it will all work out, but if you need to get in touch with me, send a line to melbwrites@gmail.com, I will be able to check email from other computers as well as Facebook and Twitter which are on my side bar. Please be patient, I don't want to leave you all, but... *heaving sobs start* Until soon, to quote my favorite authors Sharon Lee and Steve Miller and their awesome Liaden Universe.

A Call For Help

Very short post today, but a very important one. Candace from The Misadventures In Candyland is in need of our help. You all have helped me so much with your kind words and in other ways this year, that when I found out about Candace's plight, I wanted to do something to help. I understand will be taken down in 24 hours.

I know times are tough and our various situations are less than ideal, but even if you just repost or spread the word. She's an awesome friend to the blogging community and I love her attitude. I only wish I had seen this sooner. Thank you guys. You are all amazing. And thank you for all of the incredible, heartwarming comment you left on my Insecure Writers Post. That made my week. Hugs! I'll be back soon with more fun, I promise. Hugs to you my Imaginarians, my friends. :)

Happy New Year And My Resolutions

It's the last day of the year and I am stunned at how quickly the time has gone. Can't believe we're at 2012, the Mayan apocalypse if you believe that stuff. I don't. After the craptacular way 2011 started and ended for me, I have to believe that 2012 is going rock. I've made some resolutions to help me get my act together this new year.

1. Get healthy I know I resolve to lose weight, etc, every year, but the way my health has been of late, I really need to get on track. I'm sufficiently scared to do this. Plus, I will be standing up in November to a wedding on the Maya Riviera and I want to look and feel my best.

2. New job. I really, really need some full time work. This hustling with freelance and no insurance is killing me.

3. Get my writing organized and get out those two novels that have been gathering serious dust in the back of my desk. I want them published and am determined to see this happened.

There are only three, but these are going to be tough and I feel that if I can accomplish them, then my 2012 will be epic.

I have gotten so much wonderful, amazing support and words of encouragement from all of you out there, it has really humbled and stunned me. I think you all are the best blog buddies anywhere and I hope that 2012 brings you all good things, huge success and dreams come true. I look forward to spending more time with you next year and hearing all about your joys, your successes and your troubles. You will always have a friend here.

I'm A Zombie

Check this out...I could totally be in The Walking Dead

Jeremy at iZombie Lover turned me into a zombie. Don't I look grotesquely cool? What an amazing artist he is. Thank you, Jeremy! Now if I could find someone to turn me into a werewolf...;)

By the way, my birthday is Thursday and we will party here like it's the end of the world. LOL To kick things off, Captain Ninja, himself, Alex J. Cavanaugh, will be here on Wednesday. Whoo Hoo!!

And let me say that in the midst of my ongoing mess, I am finding incredible inner strength and am seeing how truly super blessed I am in my friends. I could not ask for better people at my six. Now here's a bit of Pat Benatar to fire up your day. She's one of my fave rockers. Don't you just love the late 80's early 90's vibe of this vid? Why it's Attack of the Mullets. Movie script, perhaps? Seriously, though it's simple song with a very strong message. It perfectly describes my new found attitude toward all this crap. May we all have a kickass week!

Celebrating With Gratitude

It's the Thanksgiving holiday here in the States and while I am so happy to have a very long weekend, I am also filled with a profound sense of gratitude for all the people in my life, all that I've accomplished and all that I have.

I am grateful for my family. I irritate them, yell at them, tease them and yet, they stick with me for some reason. I love them very much and would not be the person I am without them.

I am grateful for all of my friends, both here with me and out there on the web. I do not know what I would do without all of you. You support me, put up with my quirks and weirdness, my potty mouth and allow me to be me in all my eclectic glory. I love you all very much.

I am grateful for being able to walk around. I have severe arthritis in my hips, knees, shoulders and hands. Have had it since I was in my early twenties, a legacy from my grandmother. Sometimes, it is a wonder I can move at all some days and I am ever so grateful to still be kicking.

I am grateful for my writing. It is my passion and I am grateful that the voices in my head keep talking to me and allow me to create such adventures. I am gobsmacked that I am published and that people really seem to enjoy the tales that spin out of my demented brain.

I'll be in and out this weekend, not sure if I'll post, but I'll be around. Take care, my friends. Have an amazing rest of the week and a beautiful weekend. Peace.

I'm Baaaack...Insecure Writer's Support Group

I'm back, I'm back, I'm back!!!! I really hated being away from you all and missed you something fierce, but the good news is I'm DONE with my story. I'll share the pertinent details with you very soon. Lots of exciting things are planned for this month and there will be tons more news coming soon. I'm still discombobulated so bear with me.

I am very excited to be a part of Captain Ninja Alex J. Cavanaugh's Insecure Writer's Support Group. This is where we writers bare our souls and give a peek into our crazed craniums. We'll be talking about our struggles, insecurities, fears, hopes, breakthroughs, as well as sharing words of encouragement. There will be posts on the first Wednesday of every month for the group.

Today, I want to talk about one of my biggest fears in writing and that is my fear of my work not being good enough. I love to write, to tell stories, but when I am in the midst of working on something new, I reach this point where the words won't flow. I suddenly am overwhelmed with thoughts of "this story sucks," "what made you think you could ever write, you big loser" and I physically cannot write a word.

It's like going from finding golden nuggets in a river with a pan to having to take a pick ax to solid rock and getting nothing but rock with maybe a few flecks of gold. I hate every syllable, I get headaches, want to vomit and I feel trapped. My production level drops to the point where it will take me hours to produce a paragraph. Part of the reason I took a hiatus from the blogging was because I was having a serious breakdown over this story and I was making myself horribly ill. The day that I announced my hiatus, I had a migraine of epic proportions and could barely see to type.

Now that the thing is done, I am on pins and needles waiting to see what my editor will think. Will she hate it? Will I have to make a million revisions? This is story is different from anything I've ever written because for the first time, my main characters are gay. I wanted to write something to honor some very special friends. Did I do the characters justice? Will my friends like the story?

All these things crash around in my brain like a psychotic bowler every single time I write a story and I don't foresee it going away any time soon. How do you all deal with insecurities and fears?

Here are the other participants in the Insecure Writers Support Group and I encourage you to visit these amazing people. Pass along some blog love to them and you'll take away a lot from the experience. Thanks Alex!