I do not get the popularity of Paranormal Activity or as I refer to it: Time Elapsed Boring Shit. I saw the first one for DVD review and for shits and giggles finally checked out the next two. Time I could have spent working on the sequel to Maxie Briscoe: Werewolf. Bad move, Mel.
Paranormal Activity is to horror films what Twilight is to vampires. The first one features two people, Katie and Micah, making up dialogue as they go along to an ancient cliched story idea: Haunted House. I guess what is supposed to make it original is this ad libbing and the idea of demons. Okay, I'll give Peli that.
What follows is about 90 minutes of endless time elapsed footage interspersed with "found footage" of our intrepid couple sitting around talking about their day. Oh yay, boring rundown. At one point during this set up Katie says there was a thump last night and she couldn't sleep. Micah gets the brilliant idea to record it. Don't worry Little Lady, your big strong Man will save your sleep by placing video cameras all through the house.
Here's how it shakes out:
Day 1
Time Elapsed Boring Shit.
Day 10
More Time Elapsed Boring Shit
Day 15
The covers move. Oh no whatever could it be, a Peeping Tom demon? Hubs kicking the blankets?
Day 20
She gets out of bed, shuffles over and stares at hubs for three hours, then goes back to bed. Was that supposed to be creepy?
Day 444
And still more Time Elapsed Boring Shit. But this time we have a psychic come calling. Props on originality. Not!
Day 7012
They run around the house hearing thumps and bumps. Those interns are working overtime off camera.
Day WTF I've lost count
She cries. "Why is this happening?" And really, why is she crying, there's nothing going on! Except now I want to stab my arm with a steak knife just to relieve the monotony.
Day 1,759,999
In which Katie finally kills the annoying Micah then disappears until the sequel, er prequel, er whatever the eff Peli's calling it. But, she also makes sure to leave us with the "I'm constipated" face in the camera. Oohh, scary. Take a fiber supplement.
And now we go on to three more sequels...
Paranormal Activity 2
Time Elapsed Boring Shit plus dog and baby.
Paranormal Activity 3
Retro 80's Time Elapsed Boring Shit plus urban legend Bloody Mary. Is this guy an original thinker or what?
Paranormal Activity 4
I have not seen this yet, but I can guess: Time Elapsed Boring Shit plus video chat and new neighbors.
What are some of the worst horror films you've ever seen? Or if not horror, then what non-scary movies made you shake your head and want your money back?
Amen! I don't get it either. The first one was all right at best, but not scary in the least. No idea why they keep making them.
ReplyDeleteHigh five, my friend! After I watched the first one I just shook my head and thought, "This is it? Where's the stuff that's making people jump out of their seats in the commercials?"
DeleteNever seen it, and now probably won't. Give me the Walking Dead any day!
ReplyDeleteBIG WIN MONDAY NIGHT :-D
Walking Dead rules! And don't watch unless you have absolutely nothing better to do and I'm including de-linting sweaters and cleaning grout. ;)
DeleteBEARS WIN!!! :D
he he... so I'm guessing you didn't like the movie :)
ReplyDeleteRING with horrid Naomi Watts was the worst horror flick I've ever seen.
LOL You'd guess right. And yes, Ring was pretty bad. Watts and her creepy little kid. Blech!
ReplyDeletelol take a fiber supplement
ReplyDeleteI haven't seen it and now I'll certainly skip it. Caught some Twilight: New Moon last night. Why are those popular? I don't get it. Yaawn. And Bella has to be one of the worst lead MC's ever.
Yes, Mary skip it for sure. I don't know why Twilight is popular, either. Bella is the worst sort of fictional character for young women to aspire to be like. And the writing is just terrible. :) I read the first one and could not bring myself to read the rest.
DeleteSigh. We may need to go in ala the deleted scenes from T2 and flick your switch so you can see the value of these movies! Invisible things that move around your sleeping body in bed doing stuff (whether moving your covers or knitting a sweater) is CREEPY! Although as with any franchise they're going to run it into the ground - so far the first three have been entertaining. Haven't seen 4 yet, probably will wait for home video.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm. Worst horror movie. I'm going to go with Collinsville, which turned up on a Horror 4 pack boxed set - I just watched it in the last week or so. I may review it for LGOOH, so I'll say no more about it. Suffice to say - extremely low budget flick that was decent for the first 50 minutes and then...things went seriously awry for the next 28.
Alas, my friend there's no switch.:) We will always disagree on this. To me creepy is American Horror Story. Oren Peli's got nothing on Ryan Murphy and crew.
DeleteCollinsville, perhaps I'll add to my Avoid At All Costs list. I'll wait for your review. :)
LOL You really seem to hate the PA franchise :-)
ReplyDeleteThe worst film I've ever seen is "Skeleton Key 2: 667 Neighbor Of The Beast", a 2-hour-crapfest of people looking stupid and playing around with excrements. Horrible. I gave it a -1/10 :-)
Also horrible: the supercrappy 80s shitfest "They Don't Cut The Grass Anymore" and the almost unwatchable "Capture Of Bigfoot"
I do! Perhaps because it's so over-hyped and when I saw it, I was really let down. THIS is what everyone's been screaming about? LOL
DeleteSkeleton Key 2! LMAO That was horrible! I love your description. :)
Confession: I like PA LOL I think it's because when I saw it in the movies, there was a lady behind that was just freaking out about everything and it was hysterical to listen to, so she pretty much made the movie.
ReplyDeleteWorst movie: Cloverfield. So dumb!
Thank you! Cloverfield was pretty bad. I'm happy everyone died, they were such an annoying cast of characters. :)
DeleteThe audience really makes the movie, Elsie. Especially with horror. Glad you had such a great experience. :)
Sounds like this one would be a good cure for insomnia.
ReplyDeleteThanks for always make me laugh, my friend. Lots of movies should be given Melly's label: TEBS (Time Elapsed Boring Shit).
Thougths and hugs back to you.
xoRobyn
LOL It really could. I can also recommend it for a great laugh.
DeleteFound footage films should come with that label. I can't stand that genre of horror for the most part.
Aww... Thanks, Robyn. :)
I can't stand Gore Porn. When it first started trickling out, I thought it was a good thing because they were defying the rules against all that gore, but then I discovered it was just an excuse to not be scary. Can't pull off scary? Torture someone and make people's stomachs turn instead. So yeah, rather than name a specific movie I didn't like, there's a whole genre for you!
ReplyDeleteShannon at The Warrior Muse
Torture films really don't do t much for me, either. Especially when all the ones being tortured are women. I mean if we had equal torture or at least a female villain to shake it up, I'd try it.
DeleteI personally like the PA franchise but that was a pretty funny rundown. Rob Zombie's Halloween 2 is just about the worst horror film I've sat through.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Daniel! I'm glad I could make you laugh. Zombie's Halloween 2 really was pretty bad. I thought the first was all right, but since I am a huge fan of the original, I did not enjoy it as much as I thought I would. Devil's Rejects and House of a 1000 Corpses were so much better.
DeleteSo agree with you here! I saw the first three last year while I was visiting my son in Denver, he insisted. It started out bad and just got worse. I have no intention of contributing to that money machine. Have a great week-end!
ReplyDeleteYou have a great weekend, too, Siv! This found footage stuff is just not me. I feel like I'm watching security cam footage from a convenience store and I'm immediately detached from the story.
DeleteHaha, time elapsed boring shit may be my favorite movie description ever. Great synopsis! :D
ReplyDeleteThank, Julie! Glad you enjoyed my little ranty review.
DeleteBased on that review I'm curious about what you thought about the Blair Witch movie.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed Blair Witch because it was a new experience. I hate that it spawned an entire genre of found footage. Blair Witch should have been a one time thing.
DeleteLOL. I've never seen any of the Paranormal Activity movies and have never really been raring to do so . . . even less so after reading your summary of them.
ReplyDeleteI took teens to the second one..snore fest...omg...boring!!!!
ReplyDeleteI was irritated I wasted time n' $. I hadn't seen the first one, but was told how great it was...
*LOL* Hilarious! I agree with you completely. I wondered why the movie was so popular when I first saw it. I see more exciting stuff watching Ghost Hunters on TV. Really, it's the same as one of those shows except a lot of boring time lapsed nothing.
ReplyDelete