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If you are not 18, please exit stage left. While there is normally nothing naughty here, I do write and review erotica so there are links to spicy stuff and the occasional heated excerpt.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Movies I Hate & Wish I'd Never Paid To See Part 4

Time for another edition of my most hated movies. Oh this one puts the "ucks" in sucks and makes it a six syllable word.

Random Hearts


I was fooled by this one to Nth degree and my stomach still revolts every time I think about it. I still don't understand what the hell happened with this flick. I loved the book, it had Sydney Pollack directing and it starred Harrison Ford and Kristen Scott Thomas. Indiana Jones for cripes sake! It should have been a great movie. But you know what they say about something that looks good on paper...

In reality it's a steaming pile of rhinoceros crud.

"He'll stop at nothing to find the truth." This is the big tagline. Hint: He stopped on page one and didn't get off his lazy ass. Billed as a thriller, the action never starts. I was tempted to hammer nails into my arms just to get something going.

Harrison and Kristen have all the spark of bread pudding and the love scenes between them are like watching two praying mantises hump on Animal Planet, awkward and creepy. And she doesn't even devour him afterwards to complete the twisted cycle and give this film some action.

Honestly, these two were so bad, they made Edward from Twilight look like an accomplished thespian. There wasn't much helping the script either. The writing had all the depth of a Jersey Shore episode and the dialogue could be marketed as a sleep aid. I left the theater feeling like I'd been fucked over more times than Charlie Sheen's ex-wives.

26 comments:

  1. I've never seen this movie and more importantly I've never seen two praying mantises hump! I feel deprived! :)
    I can't believe someone would throw a shitty nappy out the car window. That is so yuck!! Poor you and your shoes.

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  2. I also haven't seen this once, but now I'm glad I haven't. But I feel your pain with book to movie translations. There's only two books in my life that have had good movie translations...one is LOTRs--I slept through the books but loved the movies. The next is Interview With The Vampire...Neil Jordan is awesome. But that's a rant for another day. Why, Harrison Ford, why must you show up in crap movies?

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  3. When Harrison is good, he's really good, but sometimes you just wonder if his bank account was overdrawn when he had a script sent to him for consideration. I think I put this on once but can't really say I watched it. Great write up!

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  4. I so agree with you here, I was so looking forward to this movie as well. Through the whole thing I kept thinking that they were just hanging around waiting for another coffee break between takes. Talk about NO chemistry.

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  5. Wasn't it the same story as in the book? I'd be interested to know what got lost in translation. even if the stars didn't gel, you'd think the story would carry it somewhat, assuming the original had something to it.

    mood
    Moody Writing
    @mooderino

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  6. I tend to avoid all Harrison's films which are almost always boring (Except the first INDIANA JONES films) and plus, although she's talented, Kristin Scott Thomas tends to bring sleepiness and drowsiness in all of the films she appears in.

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  7. hope no one will arrest you for the last sentence in your post, Melsy :PPPP

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  8. Guess I'm glad I missed this one then!

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  9. "I'd been fucked over more times than Charlie Sheen's ex-wives." - LMAO! I almost fell off the chair! :)

    Haven't seen this one, and it sounds hideous.

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  10. I've never seen this Harrison Ford stinker. Your analysis was hilarious. Anytime this movie comes on TV, I'll recollect back to your seething words of disgust and change the station. Thanks for saving my sanity.

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  11. I agree with everything you say. This one was a stinker. Why do producers fork out so much money on this kind of crud?

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  12. What a waste of a Harrison Ford. I didn't see this one though. Thanks for the heads up. Do you think if it was mixed with the overly sweet Notebook, they might have something? lol

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  13. So Melissa, when are you going to tell us how you really feel? (LOL) I loved the praying mantis analogy, but I have not seen this playing on the Animal planet. :)
    Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

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  14. Never watched this film too and according to your opinion, this is absolutely one that should completely be avoided. Thanks for the advice, Mel!

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  15. @Niki Be lucky you have been spared, though the praying mantises are somewhat interesting in a scientific way. I think I'll avoid that particular theater for a while. :)

    @M Well, you know how I feel about the LOTR films, but I also loved Interview With A vampire. I so wanted a kissing scene with Antonio Banderas and Brad Pitt. Just to see what the reaction would have been. There's nothing I love more than getting the holy rollers flustered.

    And I agree, Why Harrison, why?

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  16. @Brent Thanks! I wonder about Harrison's bank account, too, when he shows up in crap like this. Six Days, Seven Nights, anyone? Ugh! More pain.

    @Siv I love your description. I really could not understand how two actors of their caliber could be so lifeless. It was almost like they were reluctant to be in the same room.

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  17. @mood I don't know what happened, but it seems the screenwriter forgot about the action in the book. from the moment the film started, it deviated big time. Almost like they just used the novel as a jump off point for another world.

    @Dez LOL I'll call you with my jailhouse exclusive. ;) And thank you, Kristen always does seem to bring the drowsy to her roles. You are the first person I know to agree with me on that point. Yay us!

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  18. @Alex You were definitely spared some torture. Do not ever watch this film.

    @Nebular LOL Never thought I'd be saying ths, but it ,akes me happy that you almost fell out of your chair. With laughter, of course. This is hideous so do not ever see it. Avoid at all costs.

    @Matt You're welcome! Yes, indeed stay away from this. And I love Sydney Pollack. I'm glad you loved skewering, er analysis. ;)

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  19. @Michael Hi! Welcome to the Imaginarium, thanks for taking the time to comment. I don't understand, either, why producers are so willing to spend big bucks on crud. Red Riding Hood comes to mind.

    @M Pax A sweet and sour mix? LOL You're right, they maybe could have something with that line of thinking.

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  20. @Jules I do tend to hem and haw, don't I? My family is always telling to say what I mean. LOL Watch for any insect specials on Animal Planet, there's always a praying mantis story in there somewhere. ;)

    @Jaccstev You are most welcome. Yes, avoid this like a contagious disease. Your brain will thank you.

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  21. Looking forward to your game picks for Monday's blogfest!

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  22. harsh words, but sometimes it's too disappointing to pay the money and a waste of time to write.
    Nahno ∗ McLein

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  23. There was so much hype surrounding this movie when it was being made in the 90s. It was originally meant to be called something different but they changed the title to secure better box-office, which didn't work out.

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  24. There was so much hype surrounding this movie when it was being made in the 90s. It was originally meant to be called something different but they changed the title to secure better box-office, which didn't work out.

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  25. I found this movie disappointing, too. I like Indy...er...Hans...er...Harrison Ford, but he couldn't save this flick. I don't anyone could have saved this flick. The characters just didn't connect for me. No chemistry. You're going to have sex..why? To get back at your dead spouses? ewww.

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  26. @Movies I vaguely remember all the hype because it like Kristen's first pic after The English Patient or something. Even keeping the original title would not have helped, I think. Thanks for sharing that info.

    @KC Not even Indy could save this wretched crap. He needs to stay far away from films like this. ;)

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