D Is For...

D is for... Deep Thoughts

Thank you to all my new followers and visitors. I appreciate your wonderful support. To continue on the challenge, click on the A to Z button at the top right on my sidebar.

As you can see on day four of the challenge, poor Desmond has fallen out of a sleigh. Man, I told you those Gashlycrumb kids had it rough. But while Little D goes on to his heavenly reward, I'm going to share with you some deep thoughts,(no, not the ones by Jack Handy all you SNL fans out there) just little sarcasms, witticisms and things that have happened that help me keep my sense of humor and snarky tongue razor sharp.

1. I have learned that there is stupid and then there's stoopid.

2. I wish I could carry around a giant foam middle finger because then I could slap people and flip them off.

3. Telling me I have a spankalicious fat ass will NOT get me to have sex with you.

4. Fat men telling fat women they need to lose weight is like Sarah Palin telling Michelle Bachman she's too conservative.

5. The Force Field of Oblivion is more powerful than Gravity.

6. Why is it that when a guy insults a woman, the first thing that comes to his mind is the word bitch?

7. Why is it microwave food remains frozen in the middle no matter how long you nuke it?

8. When I'm in a hurry, I am guaranteed to find the longest line with the dumbest cashier handling a customer who needs a thousand price checks.

9. Have you ever gotten so bored, you were tempted to staple your fingers just to add a little excitement?

10. The next person who tells me that if Snooki from Jersey Shore can sell a book, why can't I? is going to have their fingers smashed with a hammer.

I'll leave you with a bit from my favorite observationalists, Calvin and Hobbes

C Is For

C is for Car-gasms!!

I have a thing for muscle cars and the following sexy machine induce what I and my friends hilariously refer to as car-gasms. You know, the excited gasps coming faster and faster, then the blissed-out, I-need-a-cigarette-now-look. These dream machines get me thinking about my need for speed along with wicked, down and dirty thoughts. Far from wasting away like poor Clara.

1967 Chevy Impala aka The Supernatural car

1969 Dodge Charger RT

1970 Dodge Challenger aka The Vanishing Point Car

1960 Pontiac GTO

1965 Ford Mustang

1969 Chevy Yenko Camaro

Here's my personal dream machine a 2011 Dodge Challenger

B Is For...

Basil and Bears, how appropriate for this post. I once had an encounter with a black bear. Yes, it was nearly B is for Bradley, assaulted by Bears.

I had gone camping with my best friend Brenda, in Michigan, near the shores of Lake Superior. A place that had black bears, which she assured me did not bother people. "Ive been coming here for years, Mel, and I haven't had a problem." To be honest, I had not thought much about the creatures, but had really been more concerned with escaped mental patients wanting to wear my skin for a dress. I'm a horror film addict, after all. So I took her at her word and relaxed enough to enjoy being surrounded by trees.

One night, after dinner she said to me, "The Northern Lights are sometimes visible this far south, you should hike out to the beach and see if you can catch the show. I saw them here last year." Now, I had always wanted to see the Aurora Borealis, so I was all excited to go.

I shrugged into my jacket and casually asked if she was coming. She said no, citing exhaustion. I parked my butt right back on the bed. "Come on Mel," she chided. "It's just down the path. You'll regret it if you don't go." Regret is one word I hate and she knew it. So in spite of the visions of gruesome death dancing in my head, I ventured forth. Alone into the dark.

You know, it's amazing how a flashlight that had seemed so powerful in my shadowed bedroom when I tested the batteries, offered no more illumination than candle light out there among the trees. Jason Voorhees and his big machete were going to get me for sure. Then like a vision from above, there was the beach. And miracle of miracles...Other people. Pause for the hallelujah effect.

I sat down on a big rock to enjoy the show. It was spectacular and I forgot all about trees, scary killers and other horrors. It was like Nature's fireworks display just for me.

After the dazzling lights, I went back down the path, convinced my earlier fears were ridiculous. I had made it here, hadn't I? I could handle these woods, why I was now Trixie Trailblazer, camper extraordinaire. The feeling lasted, oh, about five minutes into my walk. Then a warm coppery, meaty smell hit me. I flashed my light around and saw bits of blood and fur on the ground to my left. A grunting and crashing came from the trees.

In two seconds flat, I went from girl power camper to terrified chubby chick to Olympic sprinter. I ran so fast I don't recall that my feet ever hit the ground. I hurdled a fallen tree like it was a Lego block. Red Bull may give you wings, but raw terror will for sure. When I got to our cabin, I wasn't even out of breath. And I got winded running down the block for the bus. Brenda lurched off the bed. "My God, what happened? You're transparent." "B-Bear," I choked out and sat down on the bed. I did not move for hours, frozen in horror. The next morning, I discovered bruises in rather odd places and I was sore as hell for two days.

I have never ventured into the woods again. I'd rather face a gang banger right here on my ghetto streets. I know how to handle them.

Thank you so very much for visiting. On my sidebar at the top is the A to Z button to continue the challenge. Otherwise, for a complete list of all 800 plus participants go here.

A to Z : A Is For...

Quick note: I'm interviewed at author Stephen L. Brayton's blog today. Click here.

My favorite abcedarian book is Edward Gorey's The Gashlycrumb Tinies as I have a very dark and twisted sense of humor. Each day will bring you another unfortunate kid.

My favorite television show growing up was The Addams Family. I even loved the films they did. I just loved their skewed view of the world... Cutting flowers to better show off the stems, a love of the night, living next to a cemetery and Uncle Fester were all totally cool to me. I loved how they didn't care what the rest of the world thought of them and wanted to be more like them. My first grade school authorial attempt was a tale that featured Gomez and Morticia and starred me as Wednesday Addams. Looking back, I think I'd look cute all done up in black.

My friends know Aerosmith is my favorite band and tease me constantly. But, I cannot even begin to describe what their music has meant to me over the years. Their song Amazing saw me through a lot of pain, loss and confusion. I sometimes think I would not be the person I am today if it were not for listening to these lyrics over and over again.




Thank you so very much for visiting. On my sidebar at the top is the A to Z button to continue the challenge. Otherwise, for a complete list of all 800 plus participants go here

A to Z Challenge...Oh. My. Gawd!!!

Ok, so yeah I'm freaking out about tomorrow's kick off. I'm excited, too. I have a strategy. No, I have not preprogrammed all my posts, I'm a pantser, but I do have a working theme. My fave little alphabet pictures plus fun facts about me, my work and other cool things that cover each letter. I do plan to visit 10 to 20 blogs a day and I will, even if it's late at night. I'm a night owl and do my best work nocturnally. I will do my darndest to make sure I visit as many as possible. I will also leave a comment for any posters here because I love talking with and meeting new people.

I can't wait to see what everyone does. Good luck to all my challenge buddies out there. We rock!

I also have some big news. The wonderful Stephen Brayton, author of Night Shadows, is interviewing me on his blog tomorrow. Stop on by if you get a chance. I'd love to see you there.

Cool Things

I have more coolness to share with you, my fabulous followers and readers. First, awesome author Jessica Bell aka The Alliterative Allomorph has her debut novel, String Bridge, coming out from Lucky Press LLC this November. I am really excited. This is an awesome trailer and she is singing an original song written by her mom. Check it out, then be sure to head over to her blog. She's absolutely fantastic.



Next, the remarkable Jules at Trying To Get Over The Rainbow, gave yours truly the fabulous MeMetastic Award. This is a wonderful shout out and indeed her announcement made me smile the brightest smile in days. Can you see it? I'm still smiling. :)She is a true friend to the Imaginarium and you should definitely stop by her blog as soon as you can.



Now, as part of my acceptance I must tell you all four truths and one lie. Hmmm, whatever will I say. I have a dark side that comes out in my twisted sense of humor, I love scary movies and movies where things blow up, I am a muscle car junkie, an avid bowler and I love Keira Knightly. I'm not a very good liar so you'll probably guess that one easily. Now, I'm going to use my magic MeMe wand and tap five cool recipients, thereby spreading the love.

PK Hrezo@ PK Hrezo
Matt@ FilmMattic
Nancy@ NR Williams Fantasy Author
M Pax@ Wistful Nebulae
Victoria aka Aspiring X@ Hairnets and Hopes


I encourage you to check out all these blogs as they interesting, informative and just plain fun to visit. Oh and if you get a chance, head on over to The Movie411, I have a new post up about the new Lois Lane and Miss Marple.

Thoughts and Goal Check Time

This week has been a bit rough for me as I received a huge reality check. Someone I had known in childhood lost her fight with breast cancer. She fought so hard, for over a decade, and that enemy just kept right on coming back. Carrie fought on, no matter the odds, just like I remember her doing when we were kids. A couple of years older than me, I was always just a little intimidated by her. I wanted to be like her; confident, smart and indomitable in spirit.

I came home from her wake full of sadness and realizing my own mortality. So I took out my list of goals for 2011. Man, what was I drinking was my first thought when I looked at them. Holy hell, I've still got a long way to go was my second. However, I was pleased to realize that I did meet two of my goals. One in getting Byzantine Provocateur published and the other in being more active in social media.


I am losing weight, but I've stagnated some. Lazy is an art form for me on occasion and it is hard to get my ass in gear to work out. I have made no inroads on my monstrous caffeine addiction, which needs to be nixed. I have so much trouble functioning without it, though.

Carrie didn't get to live to a ripe old age with her daughters, but she did a lot in her life. I'm instituting a do-over and getting in gear. I plan on walking a couple miles today and as often as I can. I'm even adding a zumba class. Maybe if I work out with others, I won't be able to make so many excuses like it's cold, I'm tired and blah, blah, blah...I'm setting a limit on my caffeine intake and paring it down til I no longer need it. I only had one glass of soda today, not my usual outrageous number and absolutely no coffee. Needless to say, I have a huge headache, but it will be worth it.

The image at the top of my sidebar goes right to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer site. Please click for more information on how to help fight this disease and please remember Carrie and her two young daughters in your prayers. Thanks.

How about you? Any goals you've met? Need to work on? I'm a good cheerleader.