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Come on and join author Melissa Bradley as she sets off on her latest adventure...

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If you are not 18, please exit stage left. While there is normally nothing naughty here, I do write and review erotica so there are links to spicy stuff and the occasional heated excerpt.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

What's Your Number?

What's Your Number? was an all right little rom com that I unexpectedly enjoyed. Anna Faris and Chris Evans had great chemistry and well Chris was wearing nothing more than a towel on several occasions. Rawr!

I was however, more intrigued by the subject matter. How many sex partners does it take before one (that one being a woman) is considered a slut? Sex and the City did a similar themed episode involving Miranda having to track back her partners. In this film, Faris' Ally reads a magazine article which says that the average woman will have at most 4 to 5 sex partners with a very few going as high as 10. She immediately starts writing down all her partners and worries when that number hits 19. Why? Well, her friends, for one, are very sniping and close-minded. One of them admits to eight partners and the other three start calling her a slut and a whore. You see these bitches are all 4 or lower and proud of their lack of experience. Proud, scratch that, make it smug that they've been good girls. So, of course they are appalled that poor Ally has had 19 partners. What a whore!

An ardent feminist, I could not take this lying down. Why do we women look down on our sisters for enjoying themselves? Hell, why do we look down on ourselves for going heels to Jesus whenever the fancy strikes? Seriously, this is 2012. I don't remember an 11th Commandment that reads "Woman, thou shalt have at most four sex partners in thy lifetime and one of them better be your husband."

Women are the nastiest bitches on the planet when it comes to judging our fellow females. We are murderous if our friends or co-workers go over some magical good girl sex number. We are first in line to condemn and throwdown the epithets slut and whore. Hell, if our current man cheats, we blame the other woman.

And the media helps lead the charge. The article in the film may have been fictional, but I have seen at least thirty similar titled features in the last year alone. I've even read a few and they are quite stuffy in their opinions about women and the mythical perfect number of sex partners. For the most part, according to these articles, written by other women, mind you, women do not enjoy sex for sex unless it's with a partner they trust and care about. That women who sleep around with random guys somehow have low self-esteem. Although, the more enlightened allow for "that unexpected encounter." Really?

Then there's the "How Slutty Are You?" quizzes that crop up. Women read these and go crazy. I have good friends, normal, intelligent women who go bonkers when they think about their sex life and worry about how many partners they've had. It's scary to listen to them run on and stress over what their current guy will think if he finds out, my gawd, that they've had more than 5 partners. Or even engaged in a little kink. Remember Chasing Amy when Ben Affleck finds out Amy was with two guys? Talk about epic temper tantrum.

I seriously have had guy friends who have freaked the hell out when they found out the woman they had been dating had lots of partners. I asked one of them, what was wrong with his new lady having had 12 partners. He himself had had well over 20. You know what he said? "It's different for a guy." ROTFLOL!!! I, of course, caved in his skull with the nearest blunt object for that tired, chauvanistic response. I will allow that men and women think about sex in different terms, but come on, if you're going to have a dozen partners, why shouldn't your woman? Do guys really think that every woman they have sex with, they're only like one of four total partners for her in her lifetime? That's nuts.

I am of the mind that how many times someone does the horizontal mambo is no one's business but their own. And there is no slutbag number either. It's ridiculous and unenlightened. Sex is part of the human condition. Whether you prefer it with a caring partner, a random pick up, a friend with benefits...It's a good time, so let's stop worrying.

42 comments:

  1. It really shouldn't be any different for a guy. Double standard.
    Wonder what it means if a guy has had less than five? Well, maybe I don't...

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    1. I totally agree, Alex. It is a double standard and should best be chucked aside. I never thought about what it might mean if a guy admits to less than 5. Hmmm...something to perolate in my brain for another time. ;)

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  2. Men can be such hypocrites. It reminds me of the 'rule of three' from American Pie. Whatever number of partners a girl says, you're supposed to multiply that number by three. Really?! No wonder so many people have complexes.

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    1. I forgot about that Rule of Three. Where do we come up with these crazy rules and guidelines? Oh the therapy bills abound with this kind of thinking. :)

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  3. "Hell, why do we look down on ourselves for going heels to Jesus whenever the fancy strikes? Seriously, this is 2012." <-This is one prime example of why I appreciate you and your writing, Melissa. You said it!

    And it doesn't calculate that men (straight men, the ones who call women "sluts" or worse)are supposed to sleep with scores of women, but women aren't supposed to sleep around. Who are these men sleeping with if not women?

    xoRobyn

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    1. Aww.. thanks, Robyn! LOL you're right, just who are these men sleeping with if all women are four partners and they can have as many as they want? There's only a certain number of people on this planet over the age of consent. ;)

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  4. I'm a slut by nature, not by number of partners :))
    You know how much I love me some romcoms especially the ones with Kiss Evans :) And I so need me a friend with benefits... where can I found one? :)

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    1. You naughty boy, Dez. ;)) Evans gets hotter with every movie, I swear. And I think we could all use a friend with benefits. ;)

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  5. If women had penises and men vaginas it would be a different story :) Procreation is programed into the penis because it is capable of spreading more future humans. Pleasure is a side affect that women found out about and enjoyed to much. Some men are just scared that one day we will not need their seed any more...LOL

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    1. Yes, it would Siv, yes it would. Us not needing male seed anymore, man that sounds like a great sci fi film, doesn't it? LOL

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  6. Love this post! I agree, we judge ourselves and others too much when sex is concerned and it's none of anyone's business but our own. I've always been of the opinion that you need to experience life when you're young (safely) so that you don't think you're missing out on anything when you're married.
    And for those single, enjoy while you can:)

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    1. Thank you! We really are such harsh judges when it comes to other people's sexuality and I have never understood that. Sex is one of the greatest pleasures life has to offer so why not indulge as single consenting adult as often as possible. ;)

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  7. Great post! The double standard is ridiculous. I've personally felt that double standard and I've flipped it the bird. What two (or more!) consenting adults do is their own business, and one's character cannot be based on that itself.

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    1. Good for you!! It's horrible, horrible standard that should be given the big fat engineer boot to the curb. One's character should never be based on how many times they've had sex.

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    2. Exactly. Also, you've won the Cherie Reich book blog giveaway on my blog. :) Congratulations! Cherie will be in contact with you shortly.

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  8. Excellent piece, Mel. Though I'm surprised by your flattering albeit brief appraisal of Mr. Evans as I know you loath the ground he walks on...change of heart, perhaps? On a real note, I commend you for your honest, cunning analysis of the "double-standard," which pervades our culture. Colorfully astringent, as usual :)

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    1. Thanks, Matt! Yeah, Chris is growing on me. Now that I've seen him inother things aside from Captain America and Fantastic Four. :)

      Glad you enjoyed my "colorfully astringent" look at this "list" mess that stresses out so many women. And for what? Women should be as free as men to indulge or not to indulge.

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  9. I couldn't agree with you more. The LIST can be so damaging to women's self-esteem and seriously, who cares!

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    1. Exactly! I worry about my friends who constantly fret over this. It is no one's business at the end of the day. There are plenty of other things to worry about in life than how many times and with how many partners one has danced the bedroom boogie.

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  10. Fantastic post! Such a stupid double standard! Personally, I was never intimidated by a woman who'd had a lot of partners. Two reasons: 1.) more partners means she might know cool tricks we can enjoy. 2.) she may have been with them THEN. Who is she with NOW? NOW is FAR more important. Cheers!

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    1. Bravo, Mr. Edwards you have hit the nail on the head. NOW is the key. If you worry so much about the past, how are you going to enjoy the present? How can you bring tricks to the table if you don't get any experience? There are no virgin courtesans. ;)

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  11. Double standards are just ridiculous. The ups and downs of choices are not one sided. Pregnancy, disease, faithfulness, love, and fun will happen to both.

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    1. Exactly! Everything is equal so the double standard is such a backward, frstrating notion. Makes me want to scream like a crazy woman. :)

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  12. Good post, Melissa!I am a fallen angel and loved every minute. lol Unfortunately, most men will never modernize their thinking. Fools.

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    1. A fallen angel... I like that. Yeah getting some men to see things equal is a tough, tough thing. Maybe we should try bashing them upside the head more often. Fortunately, there are also some enlightned men out there. We need to work on some outdated women, too. ;)

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  13. Well said Melissa! When will double standards end?! Great post and thanks for sharing your views on the movie~ :D

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    1. Thanks, Ella! I think you'll enjoy the movie, it was pretty good. I think double standards need to be shoved into a metal garbage can and lit on fire. ;)

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  14. People get weird about sex. I think guys tend to be more possessive about their partners and are probably insecure about their performance in bed - they feel like their being compared to every other man she's been with. I tell my wife that I'll just assume I'm the greatest partner she's ever been with, and if she tells me different I'll assume she's lying.

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    1. You're right, many people do get very weird about sex. The fellow I was talking to about his latest, he may have had some performance issues. But, you know what's present is what's important. I love your assumptions. ;)

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  15. "No slutbag number," nicely put. From everything we learn...and hopefully enjoy. Good post.

    Found you through a little early A to Z creeping looking forward to reading more.

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    1. Hi V! Welcome! I'm so happy to see you here. You're right, everything we learn, we use and go forward to our benefit. :)

      Tha't too cool you are checking out the A to Z early. I may have to do that. :)

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  16. I'm with Craig. More partners means more experience... experience she can share with who she is even now.

    Men are stupid for thinking there's a difference between a man who had lots of girls and a girl who had lots of guys - Chrissakes, THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE!!
    If a girl fucks like a rabbit... fine. If a guy fucks like a rabbit... fine too.

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    1. YES!!! I love your outlook. Experience can be shared to the mutual benefit of all.

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    2. Hi Melissa, great post! Times change; I wonder if we are seeing a return to more conservative times again? Heck, birth control is even becoming an issue now. It seems that no matter how much progress is made, women will always be kept down in one manner or another.

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    3. Thanks! You know, I can't believe the birth control drama. You're right. It seems for every step forward we make, we slide back ten.

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  17. I thought it was okay too. Anna Faris made it worth-watching for me. You know I'm not a fan of Chris. Yes, his body is amazing but his face expressions à la "suffering Enrique Iglesias" / Disney's princes with /\-shaped eyebrows annoy me to death.

    As for Sex and the City, Samantha is definitely a slut. A big one. :) LOL

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    1. LOL on Chris. Yeah he doesn't have much in the facial expressions department.

      I think Samantha is no more of a slut than say George Clooney or Evans' character in What's Your Number? ;))

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    2. Mel, Clooney is the biggest slut ever. No doubt about that. LOL.

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  18. This sounds like something my girlfriend would enjoy watching. She generally likes romantic comedies. :P

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    1. I normally don't like rom coms, but I found this one surprisingly enjoyable. ;)

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  19. Hey Mel,

    Great write-up!

    First up, I actually saw this one at the cinema! Now before you ask me why and what could I possibly be thinking, it was because the girl and I were going to the movies and that was the ONLY thing playing at the time we had free...

    Overall I didn't mind the movie, however I was pleasantly surprised at the end with her sister's wedding vows and stuff, I thought it was really sweet and well-written. I didn't actually see that coming LOL!

    In re to your thoughts about the double-standard issue, I agree that it is just that. A double standard which shouldn't exist. I believe that it is a throwback to a time when women were supposed to be a virgin at the time of getting married and any woman who didn't stick to that rule would be labelled a variety of colourful terms.

    It is indeed 2012 and the number of sexual partners for both men and women is truly irrelevant and should not have any impact on the current relationship that both parties have entered in to.

    I think that this is just old timey thinking and it won't go away any time soon whilst the media and movies perpetuate this silly stereotype.

    Great write-up.

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    1. Thanks Russ! I didn't see that coming at the wedding, either. I was quite surprised by this film and enjoyed it.

      And it is true about the old timey thinking. And I love knowing that you and many other men out there do see that this a double standard best forgotten. it's just unfortunate that the media keep perpetrating it with articles, movies and books.

      I appreciate the thoughtful response, my friend. :)

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