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Monday, November 26, 2012

Girls Kick Ass, Says So On The T-Shirt

Hey Imaginarians, while I am off in Deadlineville, my wild and crazy cool pal from Mind of Mine is here with an awesome guest post on my fave subject, Girls Who Kick Ass. Take it away, my friend...

Girls Who Kick Ass!
When I am picking a movie, either at a store, in line at the movies or downloading on that old World Wide Web. I ask myself, what kind of movie do I want to watch, Action? Thriller? Comedy or Drama?
I go through the list of movies and I often find that the genre is not really important. No, the quickest thing to draw me into a title is a strong and powerful female lead. The type of lead that demands your attention and whom eases screen presence. Give her a weapon to kick ass, be it intellect, wisdom or a pistol.

This guest post is an ode to those ladies, the ladies who kick ass and take no guff from anyone. Those Positive female role models. I should probably tell you at this point, that these are in no particular order, as in not to infuriate anyone. I know the effects, someone else's personal opinion can have on internet geeks. I am the same way....'What do you mean you have listed the Pink Power Ranger, number 5 of your all time favourite rangers, Roooarrr'. *Smashes up key board*

So here we go...

Sandra Bullock - Angela Bennett - The Net.

I can't really remember when my obession with with Heroine's began. But I can remember the first to have such an impact on me. The star making vehicle for Sandra Bullock was released to cinema's in 1995 and I believe we rented it sometime after that. The Net tells the story of Angela Bennett, a computer analyst and recluse, whose live is taken over by a computer terrorist group who believes she has access to a disk which could bring them down. They change her name, kill her only ally and force to her to get her life back, the only way she knows how.

The Internet was still a rare comodity at the time of it's release and it is as much a character driven as it is laced with not so clever plot devices. Fan of the CSI tool kit, full of things, which have not been invented yet, might want to take a retrospective look at this one. This movie is no Citizen Kane (I have never even seen Citizen Kane), nor is it a Gigli (Not seen that either) but it has it's moments. Bullock makes the list because she didn't need to use her fists to kick ass and that is alright in my book.

Bridget Fonda - Maggie Hayward - Assassin (Le Femme Nikita, Point Of No Return)

My parents, really were laxed when it came to monitoring my viewing. I was pretty much allowed watch anything, regardless of age. Like the movie above, I watched this for the first time, when I was quite young and like everyone else, watched it again when I got older and realised that I had no idea what was going on. For instance, I didn't realise that the opening shoot up in the pharmacy happened because Maggie needed them druggggsss! Yep, she was a big oul heroin junkie. I had a big old metaphorical hard on for this movie, as soon as a reformed Mags, kicked of those stylish black stiletto's, cocked her gun and went on a shooting rampage in a fancy hotel. That is a women after my own heart. She will die trying of course, cuz I like the mens.

I could go into more detail about the plots of the movies I am listing but I really don't feel like it...eh, I mean, they really don't matter. In fact, if I am honest and this is just between me and you, many of the entires, don't actually have any. *Sssshhh*. To sum it up in a nutshell, Gabirel Byrne, saves Fonda from a death sentence but in turn, makes her an assassain, which is where all the fun begins. She is set free eventually, or so she thinks but as she falls in love, she is called on to do the odd job. Kill some politicans, help a buddy move a sofa. Before that 'final job' where all the shit hits the fan. As I said that doesn't matter, what matters is, you see Fonda, kick the living shit out of a would be mugger. That my friends, make this move awesome.

Bridgette Wilson- Sonya Blade - Mortal Kombat

Now, when I played computer games as kid, a couple of titles really stood out for me. Street Fighter - Big props to my girl Chun Li, Streets of Rage, Whadup Blaze! and also Mortal Kombat. In 1995, Mortal Kombat hit our screens. Die hard games fan were appalled but I was in love. In love with Sonya Blade, played by Bridgette Wilson. She had one thing on her mind, movie stardom and to kill Kano, the red eyed killing machine. Now, this movies, views on feminism are slightly askew, first, she is able to kick ass no problem but by the time the movie ends, she has fallen in love and needs to be rescued. But for the 45 minutes or so, where she kicks ass, has earned her a place on this list.

You know how the movie goes, but here is a brief recap to get you up to date. Various fighters are recruited to fight on a mysterious island, for a mysterious tournament to save mysterious earth. Oh wait, I guess mysterious isn't appropriate description for Earth, anyway...They must win this tournament must be won, or bad things will happen to earth. I guess they lost then.....

Halle Berry - Patience Philips - Catwoman.

I am going to get so much slack for this but I have to admit it, I have a drug problem and I didn't hate Catwoman. There I said it, I like them drugs mmmmkay. Berry, plays Patience, a shy mousy artist, who is more inclined to lick someones boots than tell them where to shove it. I for one, have never met a black women like her but I didn't write this movie...She uncovers a secret by, get this, a cosmetic company and is killed. This is obviously where the cat fun starts.

As I said, many people hated this movie for the simple fact, it is fucking awful. But I am not one of those people. I think its mighty fun! Frances Conway, even plays a crazy cat lady. Sharon Stone, plays a business women, who has turned to steel or concrete or some other kind of implausible shit. Who really cares, all that matters is Catwoman kicks some ass, and she does my friends. She does.

Sandra Bullock - Gracie Le Free Bush - Miss Congeniality.

As a young gay man, this was 90 minutes of glitterati orgasm. It was a boat load of fun, to watch the transformation of Bullock, from a slob to beauty queen and with some inspired casting of Candy Bergen, you can't help but love this. It is genuinely funny, entertaining and I have run out of adjectives to describe how fucking awesome Miss C really is.

Bullock plays Gracie, an FBI agent who is chose to go undercover at the Miss America beauty contest, to weed out a terrorist who may target the competition  Cue hilariousness, as she is made over to fit in with the other air contestants, only to find that things or people are not as simple as she looks. This is Bullock's second entry on this list, lets just say, the women knows how to pick a good movie. I was even tempted to put The Blindside on here because lets face it. Lee Anne Toughy also, kicks ass.

Jennifer Lawrence - Katniss Everdeen - The Hunger Games.

Ok, time to get serious. I have nothing bad, dry or sarcastic to say about this movie. But lord I will still try. Nope, got nothing. For a reason, I can't quite fathom right now, I had very little interest in this Hunger Games saga, I hadn't read the books, or checked this out at the cinema. Come to think of it, I don't recall even seeing a trailer for it.

Jennifer plays Katniss, who lives in a world very different to how we live now. She is the epitome of ass kickiness. She competes in a barbaric tournament, known as the Hunger Games. I finally gave in and watched it after catching her Jenny in the disappointing House At The End Of The Street and absolutely freaking loving her in it. I am exciting for the coming sequels.

Milla Jovovich - Alice - Resident Evil

Big Mansion, underground labratory, hot girl kicking it in a red dress. Yes, I can only be talking about one movie, Resident Evil. This movie actually contains two girls who Kick Ass, Milla and Michelle Rodriguez. One becomes a disgusting zombie, the other becomes a telekinetic head fuck, who can kill people by looking at them. But either way and lets all say it together, they both Kick Ass!

The plot is probably well known enough. Crazy lab, zombies, implausible plot devices. It has it all. It's actually grown into a massive franchise, which eventually invited Ali Larter to the mix and although nothing beats the first and most interesting movie, they still have a lot to offer to the genre.
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This was just an ode to some of those girls who kick as on the movie screen, to be honest there are a lot more. But no one as time to go through them now, me or you. So let's her it for those ladies, who did not make this list.

Charlie's Angels, known as Lucy Liu, Cameron Diaz and Danny De Vito (Drew Barrymore). The electrifying Elektra played Jennifer Garner, The fantastically stormy Sue Storm brought to life by Jessica Alba. Krispy Kreme and fucking ugly shoe destroying Julia Roberts as Erin Brockovich. 

21 comments:

  1. Milla kicked ass in the Fifth Element as well! And Sandra Bullock has a way of playing tough women. (Not to mention she was hilarious in Miss Congeniality.)

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  2. Great post, though I would have added Uma Thurman /Kill Bill movies/ to the list.
    From those mentioned, Milla has to be my favorite kick-ass chick. :)

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  3. Wow, Mortal Kombat, haven't seen that in ages. Good list, Katniss is an excellent choice too. Does Merida from Brave count since she's animated?

    Jamie

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  4. I did like The Net. I haven't thought about it in ages though. I loved Miss Congeniality and I worship at the altar of Katniss Everdeen.

    Uma Thurman in Kill Bill would've made my list too.

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  5. you and Melsy seem like two sister from the same mister :P

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  6. Nikita is an all time favorite, thanks for pointing me towards more ass kicking females.

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  7. Let's get some B movie love for ladies who kick ass- Sybil Danning as Ruger in LA Bounty; Dona Speir and Hope Marie Carlton in several Andy Sidaris 80's flicks; Michelle Yeoh (Supercop II), Pam Grier (Foxy Brown) and Cynthia Rothrock as China O'Brien. Love the tough ladies! Great article!

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  8. Wow...how could you overlook Kill Bill Volumes 1 and 2 where Beatrice Kiddo slaughters the Fearsome Five. The battle with O'Ren Ishii is epic beyond words.

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  9. Sarah Conner in Terminator II - now she was a serious bad-ass.

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  10. Great choices Melissa. Unexpected too! Sandra Bullock definitely deserves to be in the list, but that movie doesn't get enough credit.

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  11. Let me add Eden Sinclair from 2008's Doomsday, sure her character is a female Snake Plissken knock off but Rhona Mitra is so awesome!

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  12. Gooo Katniss! I love this post because more and more stories have kick ass female protags. The boys should be very afraid! :P

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  13. I'm with you on Catwoman. Now, I can't say that I loved it, but there were a few moments that were great. I really liked the sequence where she learns about Catwoman mythos, and you can see a picture of Michelle Pfeifer's go at the character. Also, when her wall-climbing antics were mistaken for a particularly good Cirque du Soleil moment, I was in stitches.

    Great list! Thanks for directing your readers to this, and I can say to all--check out Mind of Mine. A more honest and heart-felt blog you will never find.

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  14. This is a great guest post. The only movie above that I saw is Miss Congeniality. I didn't quite like it as much as I enjoyed your entertaining summary. And, yeah, Julia Roberts was an amazing badass Erin Brockovitch.

    Melly, good luck meeting your deadline.

    xoRobyn

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  15. I love so many of your picks! All great, gorgeous kick ass girls ;D

    You make me want to go watch a movie! Nice to meet you~
    Yes, good luck~

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  16. Great Sandra Bullock movie choices, and I also really like Candice Bergen. I would like to meet the real Erin Brockovitch.
    Julie

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  17. Fantastic guest post! I'm with you on your list...and those mentioned here in the comments too.

    The list really is long, isn't it...I'm wracking my brain to see if I can pull up just one fav...and I'm thinking it's gotta be all the girls in the Kill Bill movies. Of course my fav of them would be Uma, but the rest rock as badass chicks.

    Now, on that note I think I'll watch Kill Bill (for the millionth time)...it never gets old!

    Thanks for holding the fort down for Melissa!
    Jenny

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  18. Really nice guest post, kudos!

    I was a big fan of Sandra Bullock in the 90s and I loved the hell outta The Net, Speed, Demolition Man etc. However, stuff like Miss Cong. - nah, not my cup of tea :)

    Halle Berry is a great and gorgeous actress, but I'm 100% sure I'll never... NEVAH will see Catwoman. Her costume looks so effin' stupid, it's ridiculous. Loved her though in Cloud Atlas, Gothika and of course, Die Another Day :)

    Apart from Hunger Games, I haven't seen any Jennifer Lawrence movies so far (though many people highly recommended Winter's Bone to me), but yeah, she was absolutely awesome in Hunger Games and I just can't wait for the sequel!

    My love for Milla Jovovich is HUGE!! I adore this woman, seen most of her movies and have various posters of her in my flat :)

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  19. What a fun post! I love Sandra Bullock. My favorite SB movie that I can watch 100 more times is While You Were Sleeping. I really did enjoy Ms. Congeniality too, and when we were in San Antonio in Jan. it was fun to see scenes from the River Walk in the movie after we got home.

    Kathy M.

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