Sunday, July 8, 2012
How To Survive A Heat Wave
1. Plastic kiddie pools make great ice baths and beer holders. Fill that ancient kiddie pool in the garage with some bags of ice, put in beer and let chill. When the ice becomes water and the drinks are gone, you have a great cold foot bath.
2. On your walk, hit every sprinkler on the route. I have a six block walk to my bus. There are 23 homes that run their sprinklers in the morning. I hit every one on the way to work. It's so hot, i'm dry by the time I get to the office. There are 18 more that run them on the trip back to my house at night.
3. Ice Cream, popsicles and other frozen treats have no calories or fat at this time. As soon as you eat it, you sweat it off on one walk around the block.
4. Illegal, but fun...Open fire hydrants.
5. Use movie coupons and spend as much time in the theater as possible. In this heat, I'll even pay to watch Nicholas Sparks films and/or Twilight. I'm paying for a nap, but in this heat, who cares?
6. Libraries are free places to cool off and read a few good books in the process.
7. Use deodorant at least twice a day. People, we are in close quarters on the bus, I do not want to smell you from downtown to the South Side. If I do, I will cut you.
8. Yeah, heat means less clothes, but if I have to see your sweaty, sunburned beer gut, I will cut you. Same goes for those size 700 tube tops.
9. Take that thong bikini off your three year old. It's nasty, not cute.
10. SPF 45 works very well for those of us whom the sun does not like very much. I'm what my dad called fish belly white and only burn and peel. Even my Lakota genes are not enough to overcome the overabundance of Lithuanian, German and Irish in me.
11. Fans...Lots and lots of fans. I'm particularly fond of the little ones that mist water.
So how do you beat the heat? Any good tips?