L.G. Smith
Yay!!!! L.G., email me at melbwrites@gmail.com and let me know which of my stories you would like. Congratulations!
Now on to my salacious adventure. I went to a very naughty Holiday party this weekend and we had to bring spicy gifts. In order to purchase such titillating items, I went to a rather perverted little store . This place is one block from Chicago's biggest Catholic church. In fact, I could see the cross high atop the steeple as I walked inside. A bit unnerving, if I do say so myself.
Inside, there was the usual assortment of gag gifts like blow job bibs, penis suckers, finger vibes and games like "Who's the Biggest Slut?" "What the Fuck?" bar cards, and Hump: The Game of Erotic Education. There was also bondage accoutrements, handcuffs, whips, riding crops and restraints. What got me as I was looking at the selections, the song "Have A Holly, Jolly Christmas" came on over the loud speaker. Followed by "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree." I am never going to listen to these songs in the same way again. This place also had booths. You know the kind, back of the store through the beaded curtain and/or swinging door. A few men came in to partake of the visual aids when they noticed me standing mere feet from their afternoon solo flights. They immediately started shuffling around, trying to find something to do until I left. But, I stayed. They kept looking at me, looking at the swinging doors, looking at me, looking at...You get the picture. Finally I just stared right back at them and said "Go ahead, I'm not an undercover nun or anything." It was a stampede, I tell you. ;)
Oh and in case you were wondering, I bought a riding crop and a sexual positions coupon booklet and some flavored massage oil. It went over very well at the Naughty Holiday Party grab bag.
A naughty Christmas party? How cool is that! :) I've never been to a party like this, but it sound like great fun. :)
ReplyDeleteIn other words, you raided Spencers. (Don't know if you have that store in your local mall, but it has those things.) Next time you go, dress as a nun and freak everyone out.
ReplyDeleteGlad you had a good birthday!
@Nebular George, it was awesomely hilarious. People bring the naughtiest, funniest gifts and we just laugh and make raunchy comments and of course imbibe in good food and drink. ;)
ReplyDelete@Alex LMAO!! Our Spencer's closed, but I used to go there for all my bachelorette gifts. This was a genuine adult store which was completely awesome because I may have convinced the manager to buy some of my books. ;)
ReplyDeleteMEEEOOOOOWWWW! that's it... you figure out where i am referring to...
ReplyDeleteglad your birthday was great!
jeremy
yikes! just... yikes!
ReplyDeleteseems like you had a great time :)
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm overly ecstatic that my beloved Luanne has won something from you :) What a glorious day!
Woohoo! Thanks, Melissa. I didn't win that riding crop too, did I? Not sure I'd know what to do with that. :P
ReplyDeleteGlad you had a spicy birthday bash.
Sounds like you had a fab weekend! Happy belated birthday:)
ReplyDeleteGlad the weekend went so swimmingly! Oooo, that was some spicy store you went to! I do enjoy a good trip to a porn store. There was one here in Wilmington owned by a camera assistant I worked with for years - seems he came into some trust money, stopped working on films, and opened a porn store here. And better yet - he hired local film crew guys to man the counter between film projects - and my fave was Cuz - a grip who spent a big part of the 80's as a David Lee Roth impersonator on cruise ships! Thankfully I did not have to apply for a shift there! But I enjoyed dropping in now and again! Cheers!
ReplyDeleteOoo that sounds like a fun party!! I have gone into those shops for bachelorette gifts and favors and it's always a blast. I just never understand why these shops are like walking into a library. It's sooo quiet. I always seem to be the loud and inappropriate one when I'm in there which I find more fitting, haha!
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