I'm back, I'm back, I'm back!!!! I really hated being away from you all and missed you something fierce, but the good news is I'm DONE with my story. I'll share the pertinent details with you very soon. Lots of exciting things are planned for this month and there will be tons more news coming soon. I'm still discombobulated so bear with me.
I am very excited to be a part of Captain Ninja Alex J. Cavanaugh's Insecure Writer's Support Group. This is where we writers bare our souls and give a peek into our crazed craniums. We'll be talking about our struggles, insecurities, fears, hopes, breakthroughs, as well as sharing words of encouragement. There will be posts on the first Wednesday of every month for the group.
Today, I want to talk about one of my biggest fears in writing and that is my fear of my work not being good enough. I love to write, to tell stories, but when I am in the midst of working on something new, I reach this point where the words won't flow. I suddenly am overwhelmed with thoughts of "this story sucks," "what made you think you could ever write, you big loser" and I physically cannot write a word.
It's like going from finding golden nuggets in a river with a pan to having to take a pick ax to solid rock and getting nothing but rock with maybe a few flecks of gold. I hate every syllable, I get headaches, want to vomit and I feel trapped. My production level drops to the point where it will take me hours to produce a paragraph. Part of the reason I took a hiatus from the blogging was because I was having a serious breakdown over this story and I was making myself horribly ill. The day that I announced my hiatus, I had a migraine of epic proportions and could barely see to type.
Now that the thing is done, I am on pins and needles waiting to see what my editor will think. Will she hate it? Will I have to make a million revisions? This is story is different from anything I've ever written because for the first time, my main characters are gay. I wanted to write something to honor some very special friends. Did I do the characters justice? Will my friends like the story?
All these things crash around in my brain like a psychotic bowler every single time I write a story and I don't foresee it going away any time soon. How do you all deal with insecurities and fears?
Here are the other participants in the Insecure Writers Support Group and I encourage you to visit these amazing people. Pass along some blog love to them and you'll take away a lot from the experience. Thanks Alex!