Hell To The Yeah, This Is One Badass Bitch

I want to run screaming through the streets "At last, at last, at last..." You all know I love ass-kicking females and have longed, longed to see a woman on screen who can go balls to the wall with men. Thanks to Cathy at Buzz's Cafe, I have seen the trailer for what is sure to become one of my favorite films of all time, Haywire. Take a look at this awesomely spectacular trailer.




Is Mallory Kane badass or what? You can see my satisfied smile all the way to Hollywood, baby. This is what I'm talking about. Take that all you antiquated jackasses who think women can't kill unless motivated by kids or love. And that they only resort to poison or guns.

Steven Soderbergh directs this Lem Dobbs screenplay and he has cast MMA star Gina Carano as Mallory, a black ops super soldier out for revenge after her handlers betray her. The stellar cast also includes Ewan MacGregor, Michael Douglas, Bill Paxton, Antonio Banderas, Channing Tatum and Michael Fassbender. It hits theater January 20 and I, for one, will be first in freakin' line.

It should be interesting to see how this performs during the cinematic dead zone. If it blows the audiences away like 300, maybe DC will take note and make Gina Wonder Woman. I can only hope. It would fantastic to see my childhood hero kicking ass like this.

Party Time! Byzantine Provocateur Wins 5 Heart Review Of The Week!!!!

YAY!! Bring out the champagne, the margaritas, the...well, heck bring out whatever your poison of choice is because we are celebrating. Thanks to all of you out there, Byzantine Provocateur won 5 Heart Review of the Week over The Romance Studio. I win free advertising on their home page for a week, which could really boost sales for me. Yes!

I am so freakin' happy right now, I'm dancing. I've never gotten anything like this before and it was especially gratifying because this was a story that had been particularly trying for me. Thank you so very much, my friends. You are the very best and I appreciate each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart. Woo Hoo!!

Blue Velvet: A Documentary In The Making

"That's a human ear, all right." I can't believe 25 years has come and gone since the release of the iconic David Lynch film Blue Velvet. The infamous ear in this movie was the first body part to ever really creep this horror fan out. Until then it was all gallons of fake blood, deli meats and other assorted materials that had no realistic look to them. It was also the first time I'd ever seen Kyle MacLachlan and heard the F word used so frequently and creatively. Yeah, I was bit young to be seeing this, but when one had connections at the local video store, it wasn't hard to access a copy.

In honor of the anniversary, they are in the process of making an independent documentary about the making of this picture. Since this is an indie effort, the funding is coming through donation. To that end my good friend Craig from the wicked smart and endlessly cool blog Let's Get Out Of Here! is spotlighting their efforts with this post. He also shares some wonderful anecdotes about The Ear and its creator, the uber-talented Jeff Goodwin. He has also posted some terrific photos.

If you're a fan or just want to support a great cultural cause, check out the donation site here

In the meantime, what forbidden films did you see when you were an adolescent?

Creativity and Promotion: Advice From John Mayer

John Mayer is a truly gifted musician and songwriter. However, he's not exactly the first person you think of when looking for advice on writing or even being an artist in general. Smart Bitches, Trashy Books, a really excellent site where readers and writers connect, posted a link to a truly remarkable piece. It concerned Mr. Mayer and some rather profound ideas he shared with Berkley students about creativity, promotion and being an artist. I think his words are especially important for people just getting started with their creative endeavors and young people in particular. Click here to read.

In this clinic, he discusses topics and behaviors that are detrimental to creativity. For example, toxic thinking. We think that someone's work is not as good as ours and wonder why they made it. How sometimes we are afraid to finish a piece because we think it's not good enough. Or perhaps spending too much time on social media instead of honing our craft.

I found myself really taking to heart some of the things he said and noticing my own behavior and attitudes in some of his what not to do examples. Needless to say I was cringing. Well you learn and move on, right?

Byzantine Provocateur Up for 5 Heart Review of The Week

Hey Hey, more awesome news...Byzantine Provocateur is up for 5 Heart Review of the Week at The Romance Studio. Too Cool!

Click here if you'd like to vote. If you do, thank you so much for the support. It truly means a lot to me.

Whoo Hoo!!! An Awesome Review

I have some really excellent new to share. Yay!! My story, Byzantine Provocateur was given a 5 Heart review over at The Romance Studio. Teresa T made my weekend with her words. Go on and check it out here.

I hope you all had a fantastic weekend. I spent the past few days with my cousin Scott and his family. We had a great time and took in the sights at the John G. Shedd Aquarium and the Museum Campus. This time while at the aquarium, I got to touch some starfish. I almost fell into the tank because I'm so short and had to lean too far over. I still managed to get soaked from waist to armpit on my right side. You see in proportion to my body, I basically have the arms of a T-Rex. Also the attitude when I have had no caffeine. On the bright side, I managed to avoid dumbasses. Which is amazing considering the size of the crowds there.

I did not get to see Harry Potter. I know how it ends as I've read the books, but I am looking forward to seeing how the film turns out. Deathly Hallows Part 1 was excellent. I hope to have a review for DH Part 2 at some point on The Movie411.

Thank You And What Inspires The Snark In Me

First I want to thank you all for the truly awesome comments here. I'm sorry I've been out it. I had a wedding and family coming into town this past week. I love you guys and would be just rambling on alone in cyberspace without you.

Now onto with the show. :)

You all know I love to write humor, especially those rants, but I also have a certain twisted, snarkiness that permeates my stories as well. I can't help myself. When I give an interview, one question I get is where I find my inspiration for those bitter, snarky words. I find it all over as I do have a certain demented outlook, but most of the time it comes to me through people and their foibles. Oh what a treasure trove the stupidity and general dumbassedness (is that even a word?) of people can be. You know exactly what I am talking about, too. It's enough to make me want to carry a purseful of little bottles of alcohol everywhere. That or write enough novels to incorporate each and every incident.

A major source of human stupidity comes from the Trenches aka Customer Service and Retail. I have worked on and off in this illustrious field for 17 years and have encountered some of the smallest minds and lowest IQ's anywhere on the planet. Here, I sharpened not only my sense of humor, but gained lots of insights into people's behaviors.

One popular saying in this industry is The Customer Is Always Right. Except when they want you to take back a book they bought 5 years ago because they don't like it anymore. Complete with various Cheetoh stains, grease marks, boogers and a smashed spider on page 29.

I especially love it when they want you read their minds and help them find a thing for their thing that you know fits in the little black thing. And it makes kind of a shushing, squealy sound. This lady actually gave me a one woman show complete with noises and wild hand gestures.

The power of a good education sums up this guy.

Customer:"Miss, I need a travel book."
Me:"Sure. Where are you going?"
Customer:"Well I'm taking the wife to this beach resort. It's called San Something and it's in California. You know the southern part that's in Mexico."
Me:"You mean Baja California?"
Customer:"No. Where's that?"

Spare me the uneducated, yet socially conscious shopper

Customer:"Miss, can I see your leather wallets?"
Me: "Absolutely. Do you have a style preference?"
Customer: "Yes. I'd like to see only the ones that were not made by five year old slaves in China."
I pulled out several and assured him that they were made by only the most coordinated of four year olds who had been paid very well. I didn't last long there.

Working the reception desk at law firms has also provided me with some excellent material.

Caller: "Yeah I need to speak to my lawyer."
Me: "What is the attorney's name, sir."
Caller: "I don't know. It's the guy with brown hair and glasses."
Me: "Sir, you are aware that we have 400 lawyers here and that description fits approximately 220 of them. Do you have a case number?"
Caller: "What the fuck is that?"
Me: "Uh, the ID number right below your name on the letter."
Caller: "You mean I was supposed to hold on to that thing?"

Attorneys are by no means smarter than the average bear either.

"Melissa, can you come to the copy room?"
"Sure Mr. S^&* What's the problem?"
"Which of these is the copy machine and how do I turn it on?"

Oh I could go on and on, but I think you more than get the point. People are just grand aren't they? My father used to tell me the masses are asses. And he was right.

Cool Interview With True Blood Star Carrie Preston

Hey you all, thank you so much for all the support here and to the always awesome Alex J. Cavanaugh, author of the new sci fi classic Cassastar, for having me over to have some fun on his blog. I loved discussing two of my favorite passions books and movies.

Now for some more cool news. I got to interview True Blood star Carrie Preston. It was via email, true, but it was a great experience. She is quite a fascinating person. Read the interview here at Static Multimedia.

Field Trip And A Guest Post

Today, I am on a field trip. Well, metaphorically speaking anyway. Come and join me over at one of the coolest blogs, a must see site, the one and only Alex J. Cavanaugh, Ninja Captain extraordinaire. Here I'm ranting about books, movies and what can go wrong when they come together. Check it out, you know how much I love to vent.

Fireworks, Food and Movie Review

Happy Fourth of July to all my fellow Americanos out there. Hope you all are having a great holiday. Be safe! I am off to my sister's for a cook out and fireworks show. The food is spectacular with a huge variety of pig, cow and chicken on the fire and lots of homemade sides and desserts. I don't eat at all until I get there, then it's grazing time.

I love being able to sit in a comfortable chair in her backyard to watch the town's fireworks show. Her house is just over the hill from the river park where they launch the extravaganza so we don't have to deal with crowds and port-o-potties. Yay! The only thing better is being out on a boat in Lake Michigan like in this picture. Now that is the way to watch the fireworks around my city.

Check out my review for Transformers: Dark of the Moon over at The Movie411. I had a blast watching it in spite of the huge flaws. Chi Town goes all post-apocalyptic. It's awesome!