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If you are not 18, please exit stage left. While there is normally nothing naughty here, I do write and review erotica so there are links to spicy stuff and the occasional heated excerpt.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Attack of the Neat Freaks

Today is a rant, so if you're looking for something positive or beautiful, the Imaginarium is fresh out today.

Neat Freaks, you know, those persnickety Felix Unger types. God help me, whenever I encounter one of these people. I feel a twitch starts in my right eye and I hear this C-3PO-esque voice say, "Melissa, a place for every thing and every thing in its place." And blah, blah, blah... I have a friend, whom I privately refer to as Nora Neatnik, who constantly tries to clean my house. Just like my grandma. "Nora" is always poking around offering organization and cleaning tips, suggestions for vacuum attachments she's found and other tidy up things she likes. I want to scream! She was here the other day and well...It was another episode of Attack of the Neatfreaks. I swear I should write a horror film about this.

Yes, maybe my closet doubles as a last minute storage bin when company comes over. And perhaps my desk is full of notebooks, post-its, and the bracelets I wore yesterday. So maybe I have a few foil-wrapped science experiments at the back of my refrigerator. And every now and again you could ride the dust bunnies under my bed and dresser.

I don't care! That's the way this bitch rolls.

I've got things to do, a life to live. Just because my housekeeping leaves a bit to be desired, doesn't mean I am a hapless slob. There are not roaches crawling over my house. There is no stench wafting across the neighborhood (That's the refinery across the border in Hammond) I don't have to clear a path in case of a fire. So, I don't make my bed other than to pull the blanket over it. I'm going right back there in a few hours. Yes, my book shelves are crammed with paperbacks that have dog-eared pages and assorted rocks and crystals. I don't have enough room for everything and I want it all out where I can see them, touch them. They are my things.

So to all the neatfreaks out there haranguing their not-so-neat-friends, let me give you some South Side Chitown advice "Suck it up buttercup. Ain't your crib."

40 comments:

  1. Best. Post. Ever.

    I feel the absolute same way about neat freaks - there is more to life than having a spotless house!

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    1. Thank you! Fist bumps, my fellow not-so-neat peep. There is absolutely so much more to life than a spotless, stain free house. Neat freaks are insane, especially when they try to bring their fastidiousness to your house. It's YOUR house, not theirs. :)

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  2. My house doesn't have to be super neat or organized, just picked up.
    Just straightened my closet the other day. My wife looked at it and asked "You did?"

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    1. Amen! I pick up after myself. It may not be right away, but I get there.

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  3. My philosophy is: clean it when it starts to smell! I'm looking at a coffee cup right in front of me that's a day...or two...old. Oh dear :-(

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    1. I like that philosophy, I've applied it myself. Nothing wrong with a cup or three sitting there til you get to it. The world won't com crashing down. :)

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  4. Best rant of the week! My office is Clutter Central and I just got The Eye Roll and The Lecture from my wife when I needed her help with the desktop computer. Now, I will at some point get cluttered too far and I'll turn the room upside down clearing and cleaning. And then it will start to clutter up again. A never ending cycle. But a cycle I control. I decide when to clean. Me. So I am write with you on this, sis!

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    1. High fives, my brother! My desk always has a cluttered look, even after I de-clutter. LOL It is a never-ending cycle, but the point is, it is our mess and we decide when to clean it up and so what if it's not on anyone else's schedule?

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  5. Rant away! My daughter is always lecturing me on how to do things when she comes to visit. So what if I do not change my bath towels after each use and put the dish brush in the sink. I say, DO NOT come and tell me what needs to be done, instead if it makes you happy do it yourself!

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    1. Exactly! There is nothing worse than the looks and the lectures. My house, my rules, right? And you know, the towel thing happens around here, too. It's only water and we were clean when we used the thing, right? High Five! :)

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  6. hello, my name is Dezzy Neatnik, and I would probably lose my precious life if me enters your house, Melsy dearest :PPPP
    I'm like Monica from FRIENDS, I love to clean other people's dirty houses and share discipline in cleaning :))) You can also call me Dezzy van de Kamp :)

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    1. LMAO! Somehow I knew it. :) Yes, you probably would lose your life getting run over by dust bunnies and or swallowed whole by the foil creatures living in my fridge. You know I am not completely averse to having my house cleaned by others. I'll let you have at it while I go out to a movie or something equally fun. :)

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    2. OK, but I must be paid in fresh hunks, you know :)

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    3. I shall have Fireman Victor be your payment. ;)

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    4. I could settle with that, but in the days when you're flat is extra dirty I must be paid in firemEn not in firemAn :)

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    5. That could be arranged, my friend. ;)

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  7. I am a professional dust-bunny breeder, I like them the size of tumbleweeds :)

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    1. I knew there was something about you I really loved. ;)

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  8. It's easy to go over-board Melissa. I like the lived in look.

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    1. Me, too. The lived-in look is perfect as far I'm concerned.

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  9. Neatnik, thy name is Joshua. I don't clean other people's places, even when it drives me insane.

    "I've been sitting here, breathing cleaning fluid and ammonia for three hours! Nature didn't intend for poker to be played like that."

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    1. Keeping your neat tendencies confined to your own living space is the right thing to do.

      Don't inhale too much, now. ;)

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  10. I admit, I'm a bit of a neatfreak--but only in my own house. As for other folk's houses, well, their home is their home. They should be free to do with it as they please :)

    Nutschell
    www.thewritingnut.com

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    1. Thank you! I love the way you think. We should absolutely be free to keep our own homes as we see fit. A big Amen to that. :)

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  11. I have a neighbor who does that to my other neighbor. She drives her crazy!! She'll stand in her yard while they talk and pull weeds from her garden. I refuse to allow her into my house. LOL

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  12. Wow! I can't imagine having a neighbor like that. I would refuse to let her in my house, too.

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  13. Nothing wrong with a little clutter; it shows character. You should see the state of my place ...

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    1. Exactly! I'm happy to know you are a fellow not-so-neat person. :)

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  14. My house is not messy. It's simply "lived in."

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    1. Lived in is a beautiful state of being. :)

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  15. My house is very lived in, too.

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  16. Oooo, my bedroom is lived in too! I'm someone who doesn't mind dust bunnies and little science experiments in the fridge, but does mind things being all over the place. It's nice to SEE my desk, you know?

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    1. I try to keep my all over the place to minimum on my desk I need to see my keyboard to write after all. High fives, my fellow dust bunny breeder. :)

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  17. Yeah...I'm clapping and cheering! I am now living with someone who had decided everything should be neat! The definition is..you be neat and he is a mess, lol. I don't want to be neat...I want to scattered art all over! Next time he bugs me...I might super glue his ass to a deck chair and sprinkle some glitter in his hair, lol!

    I love lived in houses...
    :D

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    1. I like that vision Ella! I think maybe I'll take your suggestion with "Nora." Glitter might lighten her up. :)

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  18. Amen, sister Melissa.

    I'm glad I have no neat freaks in my life, at least not in close proximity.

    xoRobyn

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    1. Why thank you! You are lucky to have escaped direct contact with the breed. They really are a pain. LOL

      Hugs!

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  19. LOL, well said, ma'am - well said, indeed!

    Gosh, I can't even *imagine* one of my friends telling me how to clean up my place...though I can picture some relatives in the role.
    Some Dark Romantic

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    1. Thank you very much! With friends like this... sheesh. :) I also have a couple of relatives that easily fit this description. I avoid them whenever possible. :)

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