Who the hell thought it would be an awesome idea to have Fincher make his big-budget debut with this movie? Because yeah, making 80's music vids so qualified him to succeed James Cameron on a sci fi epic. To be fair, there were more script changes than winning lottery combinations. Why? What the hell was so hard? It's a fucking sci fi horror. You have alien monsters, people getting killed and a kick ass woman who takes them down. A simple, in-your-face formula that worked.
And it was fucked with it seven ways to Katmandu. Morphed into a weird, unrecognizable mess of shaved heads and psychotropic drugs. I went into this on a high reserved heretofore only for the original Star Wars sequels and well, Aliens. From the first frame, I wanted to put the beat down on Fincher and his producers, put their collective manly bits in a spice grinder. This was not my Ripley and not my ass-kicking sci fi movie. It was betrayal at the highest levels. Kill Hicks and Newt? Are you fucking kidding me? Set it on a prison planet? All right, we could go with that. But kill off Ellen Ripley? What exactly were they smoking/shooting up? And to think I paid top dollar on a midnight opening for this. Talk about How To Kill A Multi-million Dollar Franchise In 10 Frames Or Less.
Deep breath...I was spewing as I wrote this and had to do some serious editing. 20 years is a long time to keep rage inside. Maybe I can channel it into a story...Anyway, at least I can look forward to the return of Ridley Scott with his Alien prequel, Prometheus. And maybe a franchise can be reborn.
I've erased everything after Aliens from my mind. I must admit that I'm pretty stoked about Promethus though. Can't wait.
ReplyDeleteI've only ever seen Alien, never any of its sequels. It does not appear as though I'm missing much. I highly enjoyed your take on it though.
ReplyDeleteHAHA! I share your disgust of A3. But I believe your deep-rooted frustration is misplaced. David Fincher is NOT the prime culprit of cinematic malfeasance. He ACTUALLY DISOWNS HIS ASSOCIATION TO IT; not just bemoans it, but defiantly questions whether he even directed it. Furthermore, Fincher almost quit directing altogether after this maelstrom materialized because the studio and other talking heads of influence interfered recklessly, impugning virtually every one of his artistic impulses. The film is not a fair or even remotely accurate representation of his quality as a director. I believe his career post-A3 speaks emphatically to that effect.
ReplyDeleteNeedless to say, your hate for this film is perfectly apt. It is an abomination of the highest order. Keep up the snark because it's fun to read, Mel!
Happy MLK Day!
Alien 3 blew it in the first few frames - how on earth did an egg get on board the ship? There was no way! Awful movie. Big letdown after the perfect roller coaster ride that was Aliens.
ReplyDeleteHilarious! I hated this one too. Cringe cringe cringe all the way.
ReplyDeleteyeah, I second your thoughts on Aliens 3. I do hope Promethius is a winner. It certainly looks good from the trailer.
ReplyDeleteI'm ashamed to say I've not seen any of the Alien movies (with the exception of AvP, which doesn't count). At least I can watch Prometheus without needing to watch and of the Alien movies.
ReplyDeleteYour utter loathing produced some great phrases though. I'm particularly fond of 'the utter WTFery'.
ReplyDeletethere was ALIEN3? :) Was it the one with horrid Vinona Ryder? Hope no one will revive her career, since some of the fallen ones are coming back for reasons unknown....
ReplyDeleteOh wow. I didn't know they were doing a prequel! That's an awesome trailer. I love the Alien series, but yeah, Alien 3 was the worst of them.
ReplyDeleteMatt is totally correct in his comments. A3 was not the movie that Fincher was trying to make. The experience of dealing with studio interference almost put him off making movies for life.
ReplyDeleteCrap movie? Yes! Director to blame? Absolutely not....
@Rusty LOL I know what you mean. I had to bleach my brain after this one.
ReplyDelete@M.J. Glad I could make you laugh. Alien certainly was awesome. You should give Aliens a chance, though.
ReplyDelete@Matt Glad you love my snark. I think Fincher may have had to deal with a lot of studio interference, but he wasn't the talent then that he is now. And he's clearly not sci fi like Scott or Cameron. It was a bad hire for a messy project and I feel bad that Fincher takes the blame.
ReplyDelete@Alex I know, the egg. Seriously? How about some continuity? What a horrible movie all the way around. Can't wait for Prometheus.
ReplyDelete@Sangu Yes, this certainly called for a triple cringe. ;)
ReplyDelete@Lynda I am so excited for Prometheus. That trailer rocked!
ReplyDelete@Jamie Wet noodle slap for you, LOL. Just kidding. :) If you ever get a chance, you should see the first two. They are very good. I think you'll really enjoy Prometheus. It looks fantastic.
ReplyDelete@MPax LOL I'm glad you liked my colorful phraseology. :)
ReplyDelete@Dez, Winona was in Alien Resurrection, which would not have had to deal with if A3 had not been made. Damn the studio and producers. LOL
ReplyDelete@Christine I cannot wait for Prometheus. It does look spectacular and it's so good to see Scott returning to this world.
ReplyDelete@ahammond You and Matt are probably right, but I think Fincher should not have been hired in the first place. He's not hard core sci fi. He may be one day, who knows? I like him and it is too bad he got shafted.
ReplyDelete"Talk about How To Kill A Multi-million Dollar Franchise In 10 Frames Or Less." <-I love your sass, though I'm sorry for your frustrations. All of your points are valid. I had no idea the same person who did Social Network did this one. That is really odd, in and of itself.
ReplyDeleteHang tough, Melissa.
PS On a totally different (or perhaps not so different, since we're talking Aliens) note, I LOVED your contribution to my last blog post. That idiot's ruled out the entire gene pool.
xoRobyn
I like Fincher's work since - but not Alien 3. I was reviewing at the time for a local entertainment guide - let me see if I can dig up my nearly 20 year old review...here's my fave line: "Unfortunately, the kinetic energy that made Aliens so good is sorely lacking here, leaving this a humdrum affair that's really no better than any of the myriad ripoffs the first Alien inspired."
ReplyDeleteNow Prometheus, on the other hand...
I couldn't agree more. I hated that movie and like you, I paid to see it in theaters. I'll never forget that fateful year. I believe it was 1992. Boy did I regret it.
ReplyDeleteThe movie was stylish, but Fincher showed the aline way too much. Ridley Scott knew how to build the tension in the first film. The less you show the better.
I'm looking forward to Ridley Scott rebuilding the franchise.
I had put this nightmare of cinematic phlegm out of my mind until tonight. Shaved Sigourney just could not rescue this.
ReplyDeleteAnd here I thought you had seen "Dragon Tattoo." As a general rule I stop after the first of anything, no re-peats for me. :)
ReplyDeleteJules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow
I haven't seen Alien 3 and it appears I am better off for it, haha!! I too am pretty intrigued to see Prometheus. Hopefully it makes up for what Alien 3 has apparently destroyed of this franchise. At least for your sake! : ) The trailer looks amazing!
ReplyDeleteFincher never wanted Hicks or Newt to die. It was the money guys who wanted it. Sometimes I don't think the general public realize just how much a director's hands can be tied by people who don't know the first damn thing about movies.
ReplyDelete@Robyn Stay far away from this steaming pile. LOL
ReplyDeleteDidn't that guy just cut himself off from ever reproducing? LMAO And I love how he uses the proper there. What a moron! I knew you'd enjoy it. ;)
@Craig Now that is an excellent summation of this garbage. What a mess! I like Fincher, too. Guess he learned a thing or twenty from this.
ReplyDelete@msmariah This is one of my hugest regrets. I didn't even think it was stylish, you're kinder that me. :)
ReplyDeleteI hope Scott resurrects this franchise, the first two are among my favorites.
@Julie "...nightmare of cinematic phlegm..." LMAO!! What an awesome descriptor. I wanted to bleach my brain after this.
ReplyDelete@Jules No haven't Dragon Tattoo. I'll wait til all the over-hype has died down.
ReplyDeleteMe, I'm a sucker for more. And looks like I was a glutton for punishment because I saw Alien Resurrection, too. ;)
@Nicole You are better off staying away from this. It really was the ruination of the Alien franchise.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, Prometheus looks amazing and it is on my must-see list.
@Wendy This film was just a mess all the way around. I've liked Fincher's films since then, he's a great director. He's supposedly doing Verne's 20,000 Leagues. :)
ReplyDeletenever seen it.
ReplyDeletei'm thinking that's a good thing.
it's funny to hear you rant.
@vics It is a very good thing that you haven't see this. :) I'm glad you love my Ranty McRants. LOL
ReplyDeleteAn entertaining and hilarious rant. More, please.
ReplyDelete@Michael Oh there'll always be more. ;) I tend to go off every now and again, especially on movies as they cost so much to go and see. Glad you enjoyed the rant.
ReplyDeleteLoved the rant, Mel! You are spot on! I remember watching 'Aliens 3' once and once only. I have not had any desire to watch it again to give it a second chance. I can't imagine how disappointed you were paying top dollar for premium midnight tickets and then feel the gut-wrenching disappointment of the movie! I am not a huge Aliens fan by any stretch of the imagination but even I can see that this is by far the weakest of the series.
ReplyDeleteHaha! Another lover of the glorious f-word. I hate it when a movie is so disappointing.
ReplyDeleteAny post that has "WTFery" as a word in it is immediately a favorite.
ReplyDeleteto be fair, I only own two Alien movies...four if you include the "VS Predator" flicks. I saw part 3 and Ressurection on TV and i got to say, It's not my Alien.
ReplyDeleteAt least we have Prometheus. Hopefully it's as claustrophobic as the firs Alien (and sticks to the stalk and slash formula, too...hehe)
haven't seen Alien 3 for years but I remember that it bored the shit out of me. I enjoyed Resurrection way more than Part 3
ReplyDelete@Russell LOL Happy you loved my snark. It truly was painful in the worst way to have forked over the dough at midnight opening to see this horrid crap.
ReplyDelete@Alexia The F word is my favorite word. :) I can think of fewer things as truly awwful money wise than spending it on a bad film
ReplyDelete@Lydia LOL that is one killer phrase.
ReplyDelete@Kaijinu Stalk and slash is the way to go. ;)The Vs Predator films weren't bad. I liked the concept. And here's hoping that Prometheus rocks.
ReplyDelete@Maynard Resurrection had its moments for me, but it was still bad. I blame Alien3 for everything LOL
ReplyDeleteI know this will make me sound like the alien, but I have never seen the movie. From your review, I don't feel too bad about it either.
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Sounds terrible. Luckily, I'm really paranoid about something similar happening to me so I check tons of reviews before heading to a theatre.
ReplyDeleteFincher is one of my all time favorite directors along with Zhang Yimou and Tarantino. In my book, he's a cinematic genius. Period.
ReplyDeleteThe Social Network blew me away, same was with Benjamin Button. TGWTDT deserves all the praise it received, because it's brilliant. Fight Club and Se7en?? Classics! Panic Room - just good. Alien 3 - definitely his weakest film, but still above average.
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